I had a dream this morning in which my Beehive-mate Duncan, age 12, said to me, Um, Rabbit? There are these people are saying mean things about you? Its like they dont know you or even WANT to know you. Its really mean. Then, my dad walked in and said, Thats OK. You dont actually have to be friends with everyone. Just do what you do, and do it well, and you will be OK. And he hugged me. I woke up in tears of homesickness for him. He has taught me more about having a solid sense of self than anyone else, but now we dont really talk like that anymore. It reminded me of how a few weeks ago I mentioned to Albert Robles that I didnt feel like I get to have a say anymore about who I am friends with or not. Because the thing is, I really love all of humanity in the big picture way, but I dont want to be close with everyone personally. And, truthfully, there are a lot of folks whose values and ethics, and even just their way of being in the world, really is not my preference of how and where I spend my time and energy. Albert was like, No, you get a say. You do. You get a say. That felt shocking. It shouldnt, but it did. Because reasons. Then, the other day I was given some great advice to be more self-contained as my path shifts and grows, to set better boundaries and pull back in where I need to. I am actually doing that the best I know how right now. Toxic is toxic, and I actually have a whole lot of patience for it till Im good and done. I figure we all have our ups and downs. Someone really needs to do a lot of down before they are out of my graces. But when they are, they are and I have to step away. I am awkward at it. It is harder than I think it probably should be. And when I do step away, whether I do it suddenly and decisively, or slowly and carefully, there is still a wake of upset. The alternative seems to be to not get close in the first place, but I know that is wrong, too. There is a skill here, I just dont have it yet. I am learning the Middle Way as a BIG lesson right now. There is something so elusive about that appropriate in-between place halfway from over-familiarity to distant. Pardon me as I am just really having to stumble through this, and get my balance.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 01:42:35 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015