I had somebody reassure me recently about people suffering depression, saying that all that they need is to talk it through. I have had suggestions, including snap out of it Try smiling more often make sure you appreciate what you have, practice mindfulness and being present (this last piece of advice is actually really goof by the way, and can indeed help. Interestingly, none of the people who have actually experienced depression firsthand have ever tried to offer one-stop-shop ideas. Why? Because they likely know what it feels like to live with (and hopefully, mostly overcome!) depression, day by day, by day by day. Its so incredibly sad that another talented and sensitive soul has taken their life. But instead of speculating, singing out the shoulda-coulda-wouldas and attributing things like selfishness and weakness to suicide, I challenge you to do the following: 1. Imagine waking up one morning with an absolutely shattered, devastated and broken heart. (Imagine the feeling of losing a loved one / relationship breakdown / significant life trauma) 2. Have no known or understood cause for this broken heart, and hence spend quite a bit of time in it completely alone, as there are no visual / socially-evident signals to prompt responses for comfort. 3. Combine these goings-on with a heightened sense for pain (cold, noise, scratch) and a numbed sense for joy (sunlight, laughter, love) 4. Add a stomach flu. The kind of thing that stops you from wanting to eat and makes you feel physically sick. 5. Occasionally sprinkle a sense of dread; as though something awful is about to happen. You cant feel the suns warmth over the noise of your broken heart and the pain of your stomach flu, but on top of that, you fear that something even worse is going to happen, right around the corner and for no apparent reason. (Note, this is where mindfulness can really help - to treat THIS particular component) 6. Occasionally get stuck, embarrassingly, in cars / in front of dishes in sink / in public toilets because you find yourself immobilised by some kind of irrational anxiety. All the while, try to make sure that, on top of the mysterious broken heart, stomach flu, hyper-sensitivities, irrational fears and dread, try to get somebody to judge you for being stuck. Youre not sick, youre fine! Youre dressed, you got out of bed! Or Whats wrong with you? Why is this so hard for you? Seem to be particularly effective. 7. Go to sleep each night, rolling negative and destructive ideas about in your head to explain all this suffering. It must be because Im unhappy in my marriage. Yeah, Ill leave, It must be this town thats hurting me... Yeah, Ill move! It must be the kids. The job. The degree. The practically-anything-that-ever-made-you-feel-wonderful-in-your-life. And for some, it gets to be too much. Or, the idea / explanation for all the suffering is its me, its this life. Yes, suicide is incredibly, incredibly sad. But Id suggest living with even two or more of those conditions for more than six months untreated, unhelped, before you offer advice. For the record, just because we get up in the morning doesnt mean theres nothing wrong. And if you dont understand... Lucky, lucky, lucky you. *i say all this as somebody who is well-supported and largely very well nowadays. But this was and has been my reality before, so i feel it necessary to share. RIP Robin Williams. RIP Wayne (Nikki Barton, Shell Pickles) and anybody else who hurt more than most, and when that was so damn much to bear.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:18:59 +0000
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