I had someone post me that I wasnt a real Christian, that I never really repented, that I wasnt sincere so Jesus never saved me and God never really forgave me. That scared me. Gave me a world full of doubts. I stopped my videos and stopped meditating. But what is sincerity? Is sincerity when you listen to songs like these and burst out crying whether in grief or joy, just thankful youre alive after attempting suicide FOUR TIMES, or is it when you spend nearly every meditation on your knees and face because you feel like such a despicable person on a daily basis (and thats WITHOUT people like this reminding you on a daily basis.) Or is it sincere when youre pulling your hair out in grief, screaming Please, Jesus, dont give up on me! because you thought something bad and youre just CONVINCED that you just blasphemed the Holy Spirit (which you havent.) Is it sincerity to genuinely want to make God happy and help others on a daily basis, even if it puts me in harms way? Maybe I AM fooling the world and myself, but thats for God to decide, isnt it? I cant send myself to Heaven, only He can. Honestly, I deserve Hell. I believe that with every fiber of my being. I just want to be loved. I just want to be accepted. I just want to be Saved.
Posted on: Wed, 26 Nov 2014 10:59:28 +0000
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