I have always lived a life with physical disabilities, however for the first half of my life it was not apparent. I could walk with ease, sit on the floor, pretend, to run, and, slowly climb the stairs without support. People would only notice if I explained why I might need some time, where some would not believe that I would need time because I apparently seemed fine. Some of my peers would assume that I was lazy, or, was just finding an excuse not to get involved. I had to prove, my disability and at times take a stand. I had to take the chance to either be judged for my sanity or my physical disabilities. I had to take the chance to either gain a true friend or lose one. I had to take the risk to find out the true essence and nature of an individual after showing who I was and am. There were many times I would lose friends, after explaining that I was different. I was deemed irrelevant and useless. I was now a person to hold them back from moving forward--back then in a playground--but now in society. There were some that would be nice to me. Too nice to me. They would treat me as I was delicate person that was about to break. They would mask what they felt about me with kindness and smiles. I became a chore to them, an act of charity, instead of a human being and friend. I thought this would change when I would get older. That as I matured, my peers would too, but then I realized that things arent that different. I am still trying to prove, something, but this time not my disability, but rather me. Who I am, who I am not. That I am not insecure, nor sensitive. Yes, I may be able to be more receptive of the world around me, but its not shaped due to what I cannot do, but rather what I can see. I still lose friends with them thinking that I might hold them back in society, and, I still am coated with kindness in the form of duty and charity as opposed to being a human being or friend. I know what its like to live an able-bodied life, and I also know what its like to not live an able-bodied life. I was led to witness, see, and reflect from a very young age, that at times what I saw in society would be disturbing. That people were beginning to lose their humanity and their true essence due to societal expectations. Whenever I look back I feel grateful over my life with physical disabilities. It gave me the chance to see, and feel. It protected me from those that may not necessarily be the most trustworthy. It gave me the chance to distinguish the sincere over the insincere. It drew out those who accepted me for me and cast aside those who didnt. It helped me notice things that I would previously not notice. It gave color to my life and deeper meaning where each day felt like a lesson for me to learn from and grow. It was and is a blessing even though in disguise. Not a curse, nor a key for me to enter Jannah. It just gave me sight over not only the beauty in life but rather the reality within society. It was like a child with blurred vision wearing glasses for the first time. I just wanted to take the time to say that I do notice. That I can see the difference before and after my disability is known. That I know when someone truly cares about me over the need and duty to care out of pity. I can tell, where now Ive grown somewhat immune, because I had to go through this process time and time again every time I would meet someone. Hundreds of people, maybe thousands, that, it is a sad reality that there are only a hand-full of people throughout my life that didnt treat me differently after knowing of my disability. Probably 10-20 people. They are blessed individuals--pearls found within the sea that we call society. However, I still believe that there is all good in us, and, that, each and every one of us can be pearls if we tried and accepted our true realities. That we arent that different, in spite of our different abilities. That, we all can be useful in some way, and no one can hold you back unless you deem them to be one to hold you back. That we can all break free from misconceptions, and judgements. That we all can respect each other as individuals, and treat each other with kindness, not because we feel the need to but because of how we are kind. How our hearts truly care for everyone. I also wanted to take the time to say that I am not broken. Yes, I may have scars, both physical and emotional. Emotional scars not due to my disability but rather the treatment of others due to it. I have scars, but I am not broken. Society is.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Dec 2014 10:38:28 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015