I have been a reactor all my life. Learned it from my parents, Ill place the blame on them. Maybe from my cousin-once-removed on my fathers side name Fred. I do believe I learned it. There are a lot of good qualities with being a reactor. I am spontaneous. I go with the flow more easily than not and love change. I dont like things all neat and ordered and details and having to carefully look over things do not suit my personality. They bore me because they seem so S-L-O-W. Maybe it is a brain thing. But I am learning that being a reactor does not always flow so well when you deal with life, its people and circumstances. Especially the unplanned ones. Reacting negatively shows me my need to control something I cannot, which all ultimately stems from some form of fear. The more I try to fix this in me, the more it comes up over and over. I am realizing that God is going to leave me here. In this place of continual testing. Stepping in and out of reacting and responding. My trying over and over again. I have been trying so hard to win victory in this area and here all along He is saying, You WILL win victory in this when you let ME do the fighting. Hes right. I can keep coming up to the line in my warrior gear ready to slay this ginormous giant in my life or I can step back and simply rest. Rest in the fact that when I am faced with a person or a situation that inadvertently wants to lure me out to do battle, that tempts me to react with prior thinking things through or spill out words I will never be able to take back, that is when He wants to win the victory IN me, not ME winning victory in the circumstance or ME winning victory over another person and being right. I will remain stuck here till I get this. This is what He is saying and I will choose to see this as a positive, I want to win victory in this area of your life. I have watched you struggle and fight this for a very long time. The time is now. You will be presented time and time again with opportunities for me to win the victory. IF you allow it. With this knowledge, the S-L-O-W that bores me so at times will need to be my new best friend. I have to choose to respond to Him and allow Him to react to my circumstances.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 19:05:58 +0000
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