I have been nominated by my friend Billy Kearney to share three positive things over five days and nominate three people each day to join the journey with me. Day 2: This is a Man’s World Please reserve judgment until the end and read on, thanks! Believe it or not I have thought about my five day journey and the things that I am willing to share. I will not lie I have edited myself and pulled some things back. I wrestled with just how open I should be, I mean I know you all (really) but I don’t knooooooow all of you. So here is the product of my changing mind. This is not the direction I had planned so please bear with me. I could not sleep the other night as I thought about my life and how truly lucky I am. I have seen a lot of things in my life time. I Love Lucy, Bata-max video recorders, Star Trek, the impeachment of a president, Doctor Who, the election of the first African American president, Nelson Mendela speak in front of congress, a man walk on the moon. I hope to see more but realize that I truly am lucky. Yet there has been something missing in my life and I believe that that missing piece has influenced the choices in my life. The song title “This is a Man’s World”, should not be cause for alarm. To set the record straight I love women your import and impact on my life cannot be measured. Be it my mom, grand-mom and aunt who raised me. My wife who loves me unconditionally and continues to help me grow. Or my work friends/family (mostly women) who support me day in and day out and are super smart and amazing. Women are the best but this is not about you, and I apologize. I am writing this post about men. Mostly to praise men. This, is about the importance of men in my world and how their role as boys, young men, parents and community leaders help form my person every day. I will say this publicly, which again is hard for me, but because I didn’t have a relationship with my father (dude anytime you want to show up its okay) I have always had some apprehension about growing up and becoming a man. Not that I had any control over it. I mean it was inevitable yet I dreaded the thought. Look I was lucky there were men in my life. I had Jack, Mimi’s husband who I watched a lot and learned from. Mike, at school who taught me a lot and opened my mind. My mom made sure that I had role models (Al was the best) and I will always be grateful for those men who stepped in when I needed them most. I am also grateful to my boyhood friends, Fred, Mario, Rob, Chuck, Rudy, Leon, Tony (aka Mike), David, Mark, Tom, Kenney and Louie (may both Kenney and Louis rest in peace). If I missed someone I am sorry but I can point to specific times when those guys said or did something that made me a better person and still make me strive to be better to this day. I, however, have never thought those relationships and moments were as important as they turned out to be. Those moments for me just were, they were just part of growing up. I lived my life not really giving much thought to what was going on. I never thought I needed males in my life until my children were born. I learned the most about who I am as a man by interacting with my two boys and that’s when I figured out what I missed. What I missed was the wisdom that a father/male role model can offer, even when he is not fully engaged. I realized that sometimes just by being there my boys benefit. I realized that men make a difference in the lives of boys even if they don’t plan to. My boys are always watching and I see them grow and change and I see parts of me in that process and that makes me happy. I did not have that but I am glad that they do. Now I am glad that I have Frank and my Father-in-law to question and to learn from but I am acutely aware of what I missed. I thought it was not important but I was so wrong. So I would like to share some of what I learned by watching the many different men in my life, men young and old and in between. 1. It’s okay to be the man that you are. Society still places a lot of stereotypical behaviors on men. Guys, you don’t have to be the sole bread winner (if you are married remember it’s a partnership). You are still a man. It okay to stay at home and take care of your children, you are still a man. You don’t have to lift 500 hundred pounds to prove your strength. You are still a man. There are so many roles that men play but we still make a big deal about men staying home or men who don’t make as much money as their wives. Stop it let people be who they are, let them be the men that they can be society is and will be a better place for it. 2. Being a parent is an important role for a man too! Do it and do the best you can. A lot of man run away from this role and I disrespect all of those who do. I am talking about those men who have children and choose not to be a part of their lives. Remember it is not about you or her it is about the child, be a man and be part of your child’s life. They need you and want your love and attention even when they say they don’t. On that same note; I see a lot of great fathers. One of the best used to live across the street from me, Adam (his former and current wives are great too but this is not about them). He was not perfect by any means but sometimes I would look in awe at him interacting with his children and see how happy they were just being around their dad. He spent time with them and at times I would think that’s the kind of dad I would want. I stole some things from him thus making me a better man (you always steal good stuff when you see it). I have also seen outstanding parenting and examples of what it is to be a man from a person at my church. His name is Dave Savolain I think this guy is amazing. He clearly loves his children and his wife. He puts forth such an effort to make things work and to be good for them that you can’t help but respect the man. He is funny, smart and cool while dealing with tough situations and without question he and his family have had some tough days. He handled them with seeming ease. I just hope to be half the man he is when faced with adversity. 3. Treat women with respect because they are truly the backbone of our world. This came more from the Ray Rice incident (I mean dude should be in jail for knocking out his wife, football be dammed) but it is a teachable moment that I have shared with my boys. I have never raised my hand against a women in anger because I respect their being and humanity. This is not to say that people all people haven’t pissed me off because they have. But let me be clear, most men are bigger and stronger than most women (Ladies don’t roll your eyes and come up with examples of women that can kick a man’s a** because for every Wonder Woman there is a Super Man). I am talking about on average with all things being equal. With that in mind domestic violence is wrong and it is hard to believe that men don’t get this. I learned this lesson from my mom but I am sure it is a different message with a different type of impact when it comes from a father or important male figure. There is so much more that I have to say about being a man but I will save it for the book. My question is what type of man do you want to be? So, next are the people to pay it forward. These people are who I point to and invite to take this journey along with me they are three of the best men that I know: Fred Samuels, Bard Federman and Kumar Jayasuriya. I chose Fred because I have seen firsthand what kind of man he is. He is wonderful father, a great business leader and as strong a person as I have had the pleasure to know. He handles adversity with grace and is always there for his friends. His thoughts and wisdom are valuable. The thoughts and wisdom of Bard Federman are also incredible. The time I spend with him always helps me, whether I want it or not, be better. He is thoughtful and insightful and just an incredible person. He shares a lot already but his views on life continue to inform my thinking and I am lucky to call him friend. Finally someone who I respect a lot, Kumar Jayasuriya has a world view that is thoughtful and interesting. He is a very good and loving father and husband who I watch and steal from when I can. These men help me be a better man my hope is that they will join the journey and share their thoughts. End of Day2 https://youtube/watch?v=wd1-HM234DE
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 21:09:55 +0000
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