I have been thinking a lot about different things in my life. As does everyone it has its ups and downs. The thing that astounds me is that through it all my faith always remained. I see people go through rough patches and their world is thrown upside down and the blame begins. They blame god or just walk away. I know God has always been there in my life. Ive seen it daily so I do not question that. Dont get me wrong I do get upset like any child and think..why. But I know his will be done and that everything happens for a reason. We may not understand it but ripples can do so much. I have seen such peace, faith, and love in the eyes of people who were ill. I remember playing and doing decoupage with some of the kids in pediatric with Joshua @ Sloan and the way they spoke was amazing. It made everything seem trivial. He was my first love. Though he and I only had a limited time together we loved fiercely and without restraint. Living each day to the fullest. We loved more in that brief time than some do in their whole lives. Through my grief I could not see Gods plan. I dont pretend to know. Though I do know that we had a journal we passed back and fourth. This journal traveled all over the US during Cancer talks. Our story help a few couples coping with their battle. It was not our intent upon writing it. Nor did I intend to write in it continually after his passing. I learned so much from him. How to be a good friend, a support system, lover, and how to love without holding back with every ounce of your being. That kind of love is scary bc its so pure. So powerful... What do I intend to get from this little blip.. Im not sure maybe just a way for people to share experiences and how they got through. Perhaps someone just needed a chance to heal something inside themselves. Idk but we shall see.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 03:29:09 +0000
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