I have been tryin to lay down for the last hour and a 1/2 and just toss and turn; so restless.. I really dont know what to do or where to turn; so confused right now.. Today is 3 months since we laid my lil girl to rest forever and now Im shattered again! I put myself in a mess that now I cant get out of and with the emotional train wreck in my head Im just lost for words.. I feel like I have been defeated all the way and Im fighting for that last bit of hope to help me defeat the biggest fight yet to come; justice for my angel in Heaven.. I shouldnt let all of this bother me but it seems like nothing can happen fast enough.. no money, no gas, no smokes, no job, and a brain that has a ton of bricks sittin on top of it weighing me down.. My shoulders are aching and getting very tired of all the weight on them; is it ever gonna stop? Please God help me through this and give me the strength to go on till the end! I sat here tonight and cried playing the music on Nicoles phone.. and just knowing its going to be off soon hurts.. nothing I can do to change it but I did get her voicemail on a flash drive so I will have it forever! Just wish I could bring her back and then I wouldnt have to sit and look at pictures and cry and wonder what life would be like with her still here .. when you hear the phrase you dont know what you have until its gone is so very true. Yes I knew my daughter was a precious child of mine but she was so much more to me and now I am left standing in the same spot I was 3 months and a week ago when she left home to never come back again! I guess Im feeling sorry for myself and I know its not right and I shouldnt but at this point I dont really care.. you can say what you want to about me and its not going to bother me; I dont really care what you have to say anyway; if its that important you will make sure I know in my heart. So many words left unspoken, so many hugs and kisses to give but all of these will be free one day to reach you and I hope you know they are from me! I LOVE YOU NICOLE LYNN HARRIS
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 07:08:58 +0000