I have learned a great deal in the last hours about grief. About the unpredictable, sudden, unrelenting aspects of grief. I had a good early night last night, had even posted about it. I was feeling healing. Then, bedtime...without my Love. I spent the next several hours trying to go to sleep, trying to find him in our too big bed, and feeling more lonely and colder than I can ever before remember. There was no sleep. I had made plans with friends for lunch and supper tonight, and had to cancel both, because I simply am not functioning enough to make sense to anyone. I finally forced myself to go to Harps for essentials, and if you saw me there, I apologize for my appearance and my lost in her own world seeming. I know the only way through this is simply to feel it, and experience it and go on. I am not angry at the Creator for his being gone, I dont believe in a God who took him to make me better or stronger or whatever. We live in a world where there is death, it is a part of life. We live in a world where disease and age and accidents take loved ones. I know he is somewhere waiting patiently for me to continue our love. I could not make it without the help of my friends who have been there, and all the rest of you who love me.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 23:43:54 +0000
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