I have not always had the best relationship with God, nor do I now. It is something I long for. It is also something I fear. It seems as though others I know that have a strong, profound faith seem to have to endure things that some of us others do not. It is as though he uses the faith of others, even through hard times, to show how to ultimately love him and worship him. It is easy to feel as though life is going okay, and why should we make ourselves vulnerable to Him? Its easy to not rock the boat so as life can continue how its comfortable. I dont think I have ever understood how to truly love God. It is an all in kind of deal. Just turning to God when life gets a little rough is not enough. Saying it and doing it are two different things. Why are we afraid to be faithful to God, but we cant stand to miss our favorite TV shows, or we complain that church on Saturday night doesnt work for our schedule or Sunday morning is our only day to sleep in? It is easy to focus on our own greed for the things of this world. It is just as easy to identify it. The difference is when you begin to understand that having a relationship with God requires your effort, your time, your patience, your love, your FAITH. I have spent the last few years fighting the emotions every time I begin to feel God moving in my heart. His love can, at times, move me to tears. I have always taken this lightly. I shrug it off, Im just emotional, or What is wrong with me? It is through many of these times, I begin to search for my purpose in this world, what it is I am supposed to do. It is also in these times I look for answers for situations that usually involve my family. It is as though I expect him to see me struggling, and to step in to fix it for me or tell me what to do. I want my kids to know God, yet we dont go to church, we dont study our Bibles. We expect to be able to teach our children about God through everyday trials and tribulations, or even by watching movies about God. I yearn to fit in to a church that we all love. This in itself, could be a disaster. After all, Jesus didnt try to fit in. He was crucified for standing out. I feel like Wednesday nights our kids should be learning about God with their peers, yet we do nothing. Sunday morning should be spent in Gods house, yet we sleep through church every weekend. It is really like standing at a crossroads....and you just keep standing there...turning in circles...trying to decide...for years...sometimes you try to go back and see if there are hints you were supposed to pick up on...but you always end up back at the crossroads. Sometimes you may take the right only to turn around and take the left instead. Sometimes, you may go back and forth more than once. I often wonder if its the mountains in the middle we are actually supposed to take. It may look like the least desirable path, but the reward is much greater than left or right. So, as I stand at the crossroads, I am working on getting my gear ready. I think he wants me to take the mountains....and I expect my experience to be nothing less than a battle for the victory.
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 03:59:28 +0000
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