I have not thought ***deeply*** about the Atrocity in the Valley for a couple years. It was a traumatic experience for the entire community. I genuinely buried a lot of the brutal emotions that I felt then and that I never want to feel again. Todays agreement dredged that graveyard, and I now acutely remember my disgust, fury, dread, and horror. Sandusky was a monster, and innocent young men were thrown beyond the furthest grasps of human justice. What Sandusky did and how he did it--how can he be of the same species as the rest of us? How do we live our happy lives knowing that our collective ignorance and failure to be perfectly impeccable in our vigilance allowed a nightmare to render our deepest and most passionate sympathies nothing more than barren echoes in an infinite chasm of incomprehensible anguish? I now very painfully remember not being able to fathom this insanity because it was and still is bottomless. That is what hurt the most then, what hurts the most now, and what will always hurt the most: it happened, I cannot understand the monstrous violations of our societys standards, I cannot even attempt to understand the pain of the victims because it exists outside the scope of my worst imagination, and time cannot be spun backwards to allow the tragedy to be unwoven and recast as a triumph of greater humanity. A lot of people made a lot of really, really, really bad mistakes; the monster ran amok; and the kingdom fell--leaving us all at the mercy of the cold and damning outside world. Todays agreement validates what the natives of that outside world wrongly thought: that this was a football scandal. No, this was a monster who just happened to be associated with a football team rampaging through a collective of blind innocents and devastatingly stupid fools who felt that common sense and human decency were heretical customs. There was a lot of hatred when Joe Paterno was fired, but when the status quo of the meatiest chunk of a century is eviscerated with minimal warning in one of the most tradition-whoring and self-righteous communities on the planet, such hatred should be expected. Beyond that initial explosion of confusion and misdirected anger was just simple and unequivocal disgust, fury, dread, and horror--not about football, not about Joe Paterno, but about the irreparable and mind-blazing rape of lots and lots of innocents by a demon. The NCAA made this a football scandal. The media made this a football scandal. Sadly, the fog of time made this a football scandal. Todays agreement cemented this as a football scandal. This was not a football scandal. This being a football scandal makes todays agreement palatable; but because this was not actually a football scandal, todays agreement is merely a vulgar dance of idiots atop the smoldering ashes of a glorious and apocalyptic yesterday through which we all walked together--an insult to a tragedy. That they have now gleefully cavorted through the fires of our hell twice is why I hate the NCAA and why I am sickened that our agents did not seize the opportunity to grind it into a memory. Todays agreement sure did a lot to salve the disgust, fury, dread, and horror. Thanks to all of you who spent today agreeing to spit on the pain. ********** I shall now share this video that I shot from Old Mains lawn on the night of November 9, 2011--the night that Joe Paterno was fired. I have not previously shared this video or any of my other media from that night. I am sharing it now because I feel that it properly and succinctly gives corporeal form to the nightmares ghosts that are currently tormenting all of us. https://youtube/watch?v=0Tg3IqvbEk8
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 06:24:21 +0000
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