I have so much on my mind right now, when I should b n bed asleep. These last few months have been horrible 4 me. I can honestly say Ive had better days behind bars. Which is incredibly sad. Seems here lately I have been considered everything n life that I have lived my whole life avoiding. I have a certain standard, guidelines that I apply 2 my every action. H** niggas make me sick, fake niggas make me sick, fraud niggas make me sick, using a** niggas make me sick, lying niggas make me sick, & I have been called all these things by the people I love the most. Im obsessive-compulsive really bad, & my every waking moment I think of the things that r said about me. Most of it I cant believe is said, especially when I go above & beyond 2 prevent being this type of dude. N the fact of who said it makes it even worse. I try not 2 let it bother me, but it bothers me. N the fact that I wanna show buck naked a** & get on their level makes it even worse. Holding all this n makes it worse.I know that its only b/s, they know its only b/s, but it still hurts. Ima real nigga, & I dont mind getting n my feelings. Most niggas wont admit they hurt, they wanna cry @ times, but I dont mind. I have been thru so much. I just want 2 b happy & successful. 2 love & b loved. But so many people wanna steal my joy, & I cannot figure out y. When I was down & out, I received so much love. Now that I aint, so many people want me back where I was. I done been locked up over 10yrs of my life, these people have never been locked up. Tell me how I can accumulate more than they can n only a few months? Like, wtf were u doing all this time? They wanna talk about what I dont have, things I have not achieved, what about u? What is ur excuse? Y hate me because the decisions Ive made has turned my life around, & ur n the same rut? Im not stunting, nor talking down, I just dont understand. Decisions, decisions. Even tho I wanna hate these people, say fu** them like they say fu** me, the presence of god will not allow me 2 b this way. I lose my way @ times, but I only act out of hurt that I feel temporarily. When I think about these things, I realize that I coul never have that much malice n my heart. I still love ALL OF U, more than I could ever express. I only want 2 receive that n return. If thats not possible, please stop ur b/s. Im about 2 tha point that I will not control my response 2 ur b/s. N if I lose all I have worked so hard 2 get behind ur b/s, Im going 2 the Feds again, cause its gonna pop off 4real
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 06:17:03 +0000
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