I have to say the past few years has been tough for my brothers, both sisters and my family. My father was diagnosed with vascular dementia a few years back. My Dad has been in and out of hospitals and steady going in a downhill spiral of health since his diagnosis. It is so heart wrenching to watch the strong man that you looked up to as a kid just dwindle away to nothing. A man that was always a big strong man of over 250 pounds and now to just to be a fragile little 140 pound skeleton type body. Slowly deteriorating to the point that he cant walk, hold a conversation or cant even recognize who you are. I will never forget the first time that he looked at me and had a confused look like he might know me but really didnt have a clue. Then preceded to call me someone else. Just blew me away. Now that he is in the end stage of dementia the downhill spiral seems to be in fast forward. Each and every day you notice a decline. Sometimes I wonder how and why he even still remains hanging on. Sometimes I feel like I am numb and just going through the motions of living everyday. You try to block out the fact that your father is no longer the man that you remember. Then reality sets in and suddenly the tears and the thoughts youve been hiding and blocking suddenly surface and you become uncontrollably sensitive and all you want to do is cry and maybe even scream. Every time the phone rings, you jump thinking that thats it. Thats the call. You lay down at night and try to sleep and all you think about is him laying like a vegetable and still hanging on and wonder why the Lord still hasnt taken his broken body home to be with your Mom. You wonder why your father hasnt grabbed your mothers hand and crossed over to heaven to be with her. If your not thinking of that then your thinking of all the memories and crying because thats all you have now. You no longer can ask him about anything. Hes not capable of answering you. If there is anything in the world that I would pray for, it would be for a cure for this terrible disease. Believe me when I say I pray for anyone that is a loved one close to me that they would never have to deal with this. Its a long drawn out,heart wrenching disease that breaks your soul down to the point that the only thing you have left is to try to keep the faith that Jesus will prevail. I hate this thing called Dementia/Alzheimers. There is nothing good about it. My heart and soul wont break though. I will not let the devil get the best of me. My prayers will be heard and my Lord shall prevail. I just had to share my thoughts. Sometimes you just need a release. Instead of screaming I write my thoughts here and that is my release. Thanks for listening. May God Bless you all.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 07:05:45 +0000
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