I havent exactly come out and said it, Im as guilty of highlight reeling my life as the next guy, so here it is, the truth. 2014 was, circumstantially, and as far as enjoyment, the worst year of my life, no other year even comes close. I was blindsided by it, paralyzed by it, confused. Ive never been so lonely, or depressed. A whole lot of days I didnt have the strength to do anything. I didnt know why I was stuck. I came from a season in Australia of absolutely thriving. To try to say I was able to do much more than survive this year would be a lie. But I mean this, I thank God he didnt give me what I wanted, what I expected, moving to Nashville, and that he gave me what I needed, what I prayed for years for. The cost was huge, but the reward was massive, because in terms of who I am, how much Ive grown, how Ive learned to love, to appreciate every moment, to empathize with others, to see my self-centeredness lose its grip ever so slightly, to be based in reality, even as its so much more painful, how Ive learned to recognize who my Creator is and how I was created to be, my ability to use massive run on sentences, in all those ways and more it was the best year of my life. All I really had most days was God. And it turns out if you stay close to Him, you still have it all. Thats not some bullshit thing Im saying to look good or put a positive spin on things. Its the truth. So here I am, having had the worst and the best year of my life, and I think the lesson is dont run from the pain, dont try to control everything. I spent so much of my life trying to dominate and control what I did. I focused on success, with who I was in my peripheral. Now I honestly dont care if I am ever successful. I am at peace with what does or does not happen. Because my very definition of success is drastically different. I do not know if 2015 will be better, but I have begun to learn the secret of being content in all circumstances. So bring it on, the pain, the joy, whatever comes is cool. Because when that becomes your revelation, you cant lose.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 17:57:02 +0000
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