*I havent posted the news on this page because I felt like if I did, then it was 100% legit and it really happened. But my sweet sweet Duke passed away on Friday. The day my poppop passed away, and the day Duke passed away, are without a doubt the worst days of my life. I am having such a hard time typing this. I brought Duke to the vet on Friday because he wasnt acting like his happy go lucky self. He wasnt getting up much and he wasnt really eating. He threw up Monday but I thought it was because he scarfed his food too fast. He threw up two more times during the week and I knew something was wrong. I also thought he looked like he was losing weight. So I finally got him an appt for Friday morning. While we were there the vet went to feel around Dukes belly and he quickly turned his head toward her and growled. Which is honestly the first time I have ever heard or seen him do that. I knew for sure right then and there something was wrong. He loves the vet!! They had to muzzle him. He was not pleased. :( As soon as she felt his belly she said his spleen was extremely enlarged. She drew lots of blood and ran a ton of tests and took X-rays. When she took the blood she instantly commented on how red the blood was and mumbled something to the vet tech. She had an instant look of sadness and concern on her face. Thats never a good thing. Little by little the knot in my stomach got bigger and bigger. I started to get that feeling. Ya know? Something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong with my doo-doo bear. (I know.. doo doo bear sounds funny. But that was his nick name.* :) 5 minutes passed. Then 10. 10 minutes turned into 15. And before I knew it we were waiting in the exam room for an hour. Then 2 hours... The vet had the receptionist reschedule all the appointments that were waiting in the waiting room. Yeah, it was confirmed in my mind that bad news was coming our way. It also showed what a compassionate and amazing vet we have!! After hours worth of testing the vet came out holding a crumpled up tissue and with watery red eyes. She was very obviously upset and had been crying. The vet tech was sniffling and looking down at his shoes. Then the vet said it. Dukie is sick. He is very sick. A lot worse than you and I had thought. He has lymphoma, and it is bad. His spleen is extremely enlarged too. It all made sense to me now. Dukie seemed a little off, but I didnt think anything of it. There are a lot of crazy new things happening at my house and I thought that was it. Apparently I was wrong. Very. Very. Wrong. The lymphoma was so bad that the vet said he had days to a week to live. Imagine bringing your dog in to the vet thinking they just had an upset stomach, only to find out they have cancer. Really bad. And they are going to die a week. Yeah. That was me. I honestly thought he swallowed a sock or something. (typically he pooped them out whole so I wasnt 100% that was it.) After praying about it and talking it over with my husband, we decided it was best to put Duke to sleep. He was in pain and suffering and it was only going to get worse. I so desperately wanted to be selfish and bring him home. I would let him sleep in my comfee king sized bed, under my comfee blankets, and I would hold him all day every day until it was his time to go. I know. It sounds weird. Almost un-natural even. But Duke was my baby. I have three skin-children. But Dukie was my fur-baby. We were together all day long and went everywhere together. I would shower and he would lay next to the tub. If I went to the bathroom he would lay on my feet. Literally. Washing dishes, he was literally behind my heels. If I was sleeping, he was next to my bed. He was a brother to my children. He had a special bond with my 4 year old, Gavin. They too were inseparable. Probably because Gavin is attached to my hip. lol He too goes where I go. Just like Duke. ;) Being with Duke while the vet put him to sleep was so incredibly painful, yet I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to be with him. I cant even put into words how I felt. I held him and said I Love You about 500 times and I wept. I wept. And wept. And wept. I was completely, and utterly inconsolable. Duke brought so much joy and happiness in my familys life. And it was an honor and joy to be his momma for three amazingly short years. I know it sounds cheesy, cliche, and redundant to say this. But I cant really put into words what Duke meant to me. Right now, I have this Dukie sized hole in my heart. And it is going to take a while until I can heal. Everything reminds me of him and I miss him terribly. When I come home, I dont hear his tail whacking the wall and his giant nose isnt there to greet me. When I get an ice cube, I dont hear what sounds like a stampede of bulls coming full force at me. When the doorbell rings, its quiet. There is no barking. And at night, I dont feel him snoring and it doesnt sound like the house is going to collapse because someone is in the house with a jackhammer. I have been blessed beyond words. And I hope some day, when I am healed, I will get the great opportunity to be a momma to a sweet American Mastiff again. I apologize for the long, drawn out update. Writing is therapeutic for me, and it actually is helping me to get it out. And I wanted to give yall an update. I have not been looking at this page for a few days because it was killing me to see all these other pups. But I actually think it is helpful to come to my AM family for support. And to know that other people love and cherish their pups the way I loved and cherished Duke. So please do me a favor. Give your pups extra treats, tighter snuggles, and more kisses smack dab on the nose. Those were a few of Dukies favorite things.*
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 00:59:40 +0000
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