I havent updated in a few days so I thought I would before I get too tired. Last week could not of been any more busy for my immediate and extended family. My grandmother of 93 went to heaven and although we miss her I couldnt be happier for her or heaven right now. She truly lived out her imperfect life to the fullest, loving, teaching, and sharing Jesus along the way. We had a cousin unexpectedly pass and so many in our family attended 2 funerals back to back on Friday. Learning to listen to my body more and resting more has been the goal for this week. I can look back over the last two weeks and see how He has orchestrated our steps to be in step with Him and quite honestly I know He was carrying some of us along the way. My brother welcomed his first son into the world last week and I am so blessed to watch this take place. He is a beautiful baby and I know God called him into being and that alone is exciting and encouraging as we walk in this world that seems bleak and in ruins. But then He goes and washes HOPE over me for the next generation. Hope for this generation. I am on my last week of out patient chemo this week here in San Angelo. It became real when I went in on Monday and they gave me my med calendar. All the numbers they have been watching are doing what they should, thats great. Makes me happy. My prayer when I go to Parkland in 27 days is that I will be completely well and they will be in shock and the only answer would be a miracle took place and He gives me my next job on this journey. Am I being unrealistic? No way. The God I know could do all that in an instant, but no matter the path He puts me on I will trust Him. The enemy has been attacking and trying every way possible to separate, divide, bring heartache, and lies into a place we go to be with Him. He is my refuge and my hiding place when I cant bear it another minute or when I just have a hunger to sit with Him. One of the most profound things I have learned on this journey is to not wait until I am under attack, being oppressed, and lied to but to put on the full armor before I need it. To sit with Him and the sweetness that comes from just being. He has already won the battle. The enemy will keep jabbing and poking at us trying to make God less than He is but its not possible. I started thinking of all the miracles and breakthrough that He has given me alone. That in itself is overwhelming for my logical mind to comprehend. Then I see that sometimes a fleeting thought or desire I have comes into being and it could only be from Him as I didnt speak it aloud. Some days I have to repent because I let doubt creep in and become bigger than God. I believe He is healing me. I am waiting for a complete manifestation of that and I am sure it will come. My strength comes from Him and His promises, not a report from a lab test. I am on the same journey just a different level. Medicine clouds my mind so I speak the word aloud, He has given me a sound mind. I ask Him for a reminder, He gives it. I ask for Him to comfort someone in need of His touch, He delivers it. In the last 6 weeks we prayed for babies in the wombs that received a bad report from a doctor and He heard our prayers and these babies are healthy and formed just as He intended. Where I am looking from, how can I feel hopeless, distraught, or defeated? All I have to say is, show me and He does. One of you will post the perfect scripture for that moment and it gets me through. Please do not think for a moment that I do not have hard days, really hard days, but those days are so much easier when I keep my eyes on Him. I cant have both, the world and walking with Him and I dont want both. But I do fall, and choose to stay down sometimes, but He is there waiting to give me His hand. All of the unmentioned battles we have dealt with this week and may continue to do so if He chooses, will be won. For that I am sure. I ask my fb prayer warriors to stand in agreement for His will for our family, my health, even down to the person who runs my lab tests. I want His will, His answers, and for Him to be glorified. My heart is heavy but I will give that to Him as well. He has equipped us, so I will listen. I will not walk in fear and I welcome the joy He washes over us in our deepest times of need.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 23:21:24 +0000
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