I havent written in several days about the journey of my lifetime, and thats simply because Ive been sleeping. Not in the present sense, but three years ago the past few days, I have been sleeping. All the information I have to share is from my family and friends. Yes, several people have still been sitting in the OSU waiting room, taking their turn to be 1 of the 2 people allowed in my room at a time. A lot has happened over the course of a few days. My blood pressure has finally stabilized to safety, although I am still seeping blood. I now have a wound vac in attempt to bring the 13 inch gaping hole in my abdomen closed, and have been back to the operating room a couple of times for more exploration, packing, etc. I have now also gone into ARDS. In case you dont know that is, it is Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. I have been intubated for several days now, and the doctors have considered placing a trach tube because of the length of time they expect me to be on the ventilator. Now I have no concept of days or times, but from some of the memories and recollections from family and friends, as I began to stabilize, the doctors tried to wean me off the medications that kept me asleep. In this transition, I can remember seeing familiar faces, and heard that I became very anxious, and indicated that I was in pain. In fact, my first memory of reality after I went back to the OR was that of two nurse inserting my NG tube. Yeah not a pleasant experience at all!!!!!!! I was having horrific nightmares during much of this time. They were so real, and parts of them are mixed with reality. Dreams so vivid, they bring me to tears to this day, and are a huge part of my panic attacks, and moments of depression. My hands were bound because I was on the vent, and to me in my dreams it appeared that I was being held down against my will. I was continually poked and prodded, and given medicine, and that reality transferred to my nightmares as people trying to kill me. I had one nightmare that Bryce was cheating on me with my nurses, in fact in a couple of days, I will be asking my pastor to help me get a divorce, and will tell him about Bryces infidelities, but thats a story to tell in a couple of days. He of course was not having any affairs.... heck how would he have time? Bryce had gone back to work by this time. It was his daily break if that makes sense. Keep in mind I have been in the hospital since August 29th, and he has been gong back and forth between the ICU and the NICU which was a hike to another part of the hospital to see this precious little guy for several days now(with very little sleep). I have yet to see or even touch my precious boy, in fact everyone but me has seen him and witnessed this little miracle that was never supposed to exist. Daddy has been doing kangaroo care in my place, doners milk has been feeding him breast milk so as to help him grow, and he is doing great in this big ol world. People ask me all the time when I came to realize I had a baby. The answer is, Im not really sure. I did have a dream that Bryce and I landed in jail for some reason, and that the guards were pumping milk from me and tossing it over a gate to give to a herd of babies. Funny I know. See what I mean? Reality mixed with nightmares. The nurses were pumping and dumping while I was sleeping, so they must have been the jail guards i guess. If youre wondering when Im gonna wake up from this horrific nightmare, its coming, but the nightmare is far from over for me....
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 21:32:31 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015