I just made a decision on something. I would be more specific, but Im so untrustworthy of certain people, really. Anyway, now that its settled, my mind is like, You should have done such and such instead or something. Then I did hear something (did I really, so grateful for it that it seems I did just hear it) saying to stick with your first mind. I dont know if thats true or not. I dont know. But I did say here before that with soul mates, I think first sight is best. First sight and first mind arent exactly the same, but I think its the same idea. The second thing questions you, leaves you open to the idea that its maybe the end of the world to have chosen the first thing or that you were wrong about what you first saw. Were you wrong? Maybe you just saw something or thought something that was worth considering, whatever you choose. Im afraid though. I still dont know what Im doing or what really to do. Uh, I do have some things still in Philly that I left behind with my niece, I would eventually get that and probably go back there. Uh, being here its nice because I have been places the past two months where Im constantly not knowing where stuff is, Ive been foreign places, new places. Somethings still different though, how I see things. My mind seems a little rusty when it comes to remembering how to get to a couple of places just now, strangely, maybe its (I always blame this) that experience from the hospital or just the stress of the past few months, being homeless, being haunted by these people seeming to attack me for no reason or being out to get me. Its a very different world from the one I thought I knew. Its a lot more disturbing and hard, but I guess you get to be freer because you start to say, I cant just treat everyone the same and I cant just take some things at face value that people arent out to get something or do something or that people know more than you think they know about what theyre doing. I am still consdering some things I said about people of different races other than black and white. I still stand by what I said, but what does it mean that there were people in my life who seemed to encourage me who were Middle Eastern, I dont know what the right term. One was my college professor and advisor and another was a high school classmate in a math class. Both those people complimented me in ways that no one had before them at the time, they said I was smart. And at the time, it did mean something, particularly I was thinking of my college advisor. Also, a psychiatrist I had in Chippenham Hospital in Richmond, he was memorable. I still dont trust that there are really more things to consider about all the races really having a central role in this reality, this simulation. Its all very symbolic. I do think in life you have to cut the fat. So many things get thrown at you, so much that you could do without, like so much of the schooling kids get, idk, the news is just full of it, etc. Still didnt take a real nap. I tried to take one in the car because my head hurt so bad I didnt feel like looking for a hotel and going to one earlier, so I went to eat because I thought that might help with the headache. Then I tried to nap in the car, it helped some but the nap kept being interrupted by rude noisy people. Disregarding stuff people do is not really polite, like this man making these grunting sounds who walked by listing to some headphones. I said, Quiet! Its annoying to ignore stuff like that. You treat people like they dont matter kind of if you dont say stuff when you are annoyed. Was just noticing: Hotels are kind of gross (not really that clean, really), but what can you do?
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 23:45:41 +0000
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