I know I am supposed to be staying off here, but sometimes it helps to write. The last couple days have been extremely hard for me. I have stopped telling myself hes just at boot camp & that he will be back & have realized Dave isnt coming home. I think I am out of denial stage of all this and I must say it sucks so bad. My heart honestly hurts. I feel like I am in a movie, I never thought in a million years anything would have ever happen to me like this. I thought I would get to grow old with Dave and have more kids and experience more of this world with him. We had so many plans and so many exciting things we wanted to do with each other. I remember the week of his accident we were sitting outside on the side walk late at night looking at the stars and he leaned over kissed me on the cheek and he told me that no matter, that he would never let go of me. Even though we emotionally were having a rough week, I know he meant that. As I lay here in bed wishing with every ounce of my body to just take me back to that moment, oh lord I would do anything. My bed is so empty, my life feels empty. I have a huge spot in my heart and soul that is gone and no one will ever be able to replace that. Even though he was a pain in my rear end at times, I honestly couldnt ever see myself with another person. He truly completed me. He understood me, he dealt with my grumpiness and no matter what the situation was he always smiled and told me he loved me. I want nothing more in the world then to be able to take back what has happened, not for just myself but for everyone especially Cayden. He has lost his best friend and its killing me inside. He still asks about him daily and says he wants his daddy & misses his daddy. I wish I could give him his wishes. I miss you David more then you can even imagine.
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 04:00:26 +0000
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