I know I probably shouldnt feel this way, but it occurred to me Ill be 32 in a few days. I cant help but feel some deep seeded resentment that Mom and Dad arent here anymore to celebrate with me. I dont feel like I handle things like a normal person. Normal people either hide their sadness better than me or they move on better than me. Dunno which. I clench as tight as I can to keep my tears away, but I cant seem to do it enough. Nothing seems to fill this damn void I got. I try like hell to move past it. Nothing is working. I dont enjoy my BirthDays anymore because of this. To exceed the existence of your creators seems unbearable to me. Growing up all those years separated from my other two Brothers Joe and Scott, was just wrong. Now I am an outcast and a stranger from them too. Instead I had to spend my life with a Brother and Sister that didnt give a damn for me. I will make sure my kids grow up close and Love each other. I wouldnt wish my mental instabilities on even my sister. I really dont care much for her. But, even she dont deserve my grief. Though, at one time I woulda gave her all of it. I wanna let go, but I cant seem to give it up right now. Sorry to keep beatin a dead horse guys, but this Craps getting old along with me.
Posted on: Thu, 05 Dec 2013 05:19:04 +0000
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