I know it might seem stupid writing this TO YOU even though you passed away, but Facebook is a blessing because at least I can still convey a message that is more than just thoughts in my head. Im just hoping that maybe you can check your Facebook from heaven :) Been exactly 1 year today we lost you. The pain of the loss does fade with time, but this 1 year anniversary definitely refreshes that pain and the memories. I still remember clear as day those 4 long months of suffering after your diagnosis. I remember thinking to myself, watching you toss and turn, gasping for air and withering away to a mere body of just skin and bones, that there was absolutely nothing I could do but keep hopping planes to be next to your bed in the hospital. Very helpless feeling... But regardless of how bad the situation and the prognosis was, you were TOUGH, you didnt give up, you did not break down, you showed no weakness, your chin was up the WHOLE time. You fought with every last bit of strength and courage that you had. I made sure to act the same way. When sitting next to your hospital bed, even though I knew in my heart your chances of making it out were slim... I didnt accept that. Everyone back here at home could see from the pictures and the diagnosis and the progression, that I had to prepare for the worst. But I always said, Nope, he can make it. Some people beat the odds and if anyone can fall into that elite small % of people who gets that second chance, its him. Even when you could barely speak, walk, or eat, or drink because of the damage this disease caused, forced to eat through tube and into a wheelchair, you STILL had the strength, courage and confidence to say things clearly that we could all understand. Things like never give up, and Im going to get out of here. Maureen called me from your hospital room on your last day, and put the phone to your ear so I could say my last words. I was doing a job for one of our municipal clients that day in Newington NH, I dropped everything and walked off the job with my phone frantically trying to think about what to say or do. Didnt take me long after telling you how strong I knew you were and how much I looked up to you and how much that I loved you, that I completely broke down. I mumbled and rushed through a few sentences of I dont know what after that, then had to hang up the phone. This wasnt a time to tell you to stay strong or that you were going to make it, it was a time to literally say my last words. Although you could not respond from the other end of the line, I hope that right before your passing my words and emotion made it to their destination. 15 minutes after I hung up, I got another call, the one that said you had passed. Was never really the same after that day, honestly. I think about you everyday, cant help but get the nasty flashbacks from inside that hospital room in New Orleans, but they are always relieved with better memories. Like the long man-to-man talks we had and how close we became in the year leading up to your official diagnosis, and even closer during the months that led to your passing. I wouldnt trade those conversations and those moments we had where we connected more than ever before, for anything. I will never forget the strength and perseverance of your soul and your character, those traits always shined like gold and I will take those virtues with me to the grave until we meet again. I lost an awful lot after you passed away too, Im sure you watched that from above. But even during those times, I got through it with my chin up, why? What kept me going and moving forward through it all, was you. Because Im a BADASS just like my Father was and I DONT GIVE UP OR GIVE IN. I carry your strength the memory of your soul and as a human forever. I love you and miss you everyday. Now Ill say a prayer or something so you know to check your Facebook if you can, from your laptop in the clouds. Talk to you soon, someday. Your son, Adam. Michael OBrien
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 13:55:29 +0000
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