I learned a lot today in Equine therapy. Ive worried a long time about how family views me and how they see Ive changed. I have worked very hard to be proud of the person I see in the mirror. I realize deep inside I feel unloved and unwanted to family that was supposed to be there for me even before I made mistakes. For some reason I was the black sheep. Mistakes made them fear me and hate me even more and no matter what good I do they will never see it and be waiting for me to fail. All I hate in myself are only things of ugly personality and judgement of others I learned from them. Ive wanted a family because society tells is we need it however I cant bring myself to consider them family any longer as I have learned family is in your actions, your love for one another. Its unselfish, genuine, and no judgement should be placed on one another so harshly. Today I have released the feeling of needing the because they ultimately could care less about me. From this day forward my family consists only of the one I made here, my mother, Sally and Scott, my in laws, Kurtis Kurtis Klingbeil Kristen Veres Mike Skorupski Patti Crawley Liebig Candice Chapman Shardae LaVigne and my sisters Amber and Misty and I am completely ok with this. I wish the rest of them all well. I wish them peace and the ability to remember none of you were perfect. Many of you failed more than me and in bigger ways. The only difference is family didnt give up on you and you had them for support. I lost all and was all alone. I rose above and became a beautiful person with much to offer the word. I feel sorry for each and everyone of you that you will never e able to know me again or my other 5 amazing and beautiful children. You all wanted Jaspreet so badly for yourselves you didnt care that she needs a mother HER OWN REAL mother more than any of you. A million pounds was lifted off of me today and an awakening came. I dont care if Im not good enough for any of you I am good enough for me and those who love me unconditionally. Today my life begins completely new. You can only kick a person down so many times. I refuse to be your ball any longer. Look in the mirror because many of you have lived lies not even Hollywood could believe. Peace.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 02:53:41 +0000
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