I may seem uptight , lost, angry , confused , or hateful. Dont take it personal. I am trying to have a normal life , I struggle daily to get out of bed , dawn my work clothes and walk out the front door so I can go to work and take care of my family. Normalcy is not what it once was for my family and has not been since 9/26/2012. Since those words burned their way into our brains and leaving a forever scar ( your child has leukemia ) .Normal would never again have the same meaning . It is a daily struggle for me to leave knowing I can get a call or text , Bradley isnt feeling good its hard to concentrate worrying about our little man. Its just different when its him, if it were any of our other children it would be different , and when it is ,sadly it is a relief to not hear Bradley isnt feeling good. I hate how much this has changed our lives , and how some people think we should just carry on like nothings changed . Our entire universe was changed ! I am seriously trying my best to fit in and to feel like my life is normal , all the while inside I am hurting beyond my own understandings, because I dont understand any of this , I dont know why my child or why any child has to go through this . Its been just over two very long challenging and emotional years , for the most part I guess its been as good as it can be , then there are times like now when Bradley gets an LP and chemo in his spine and the same day and the day after he doesnt feel well and sleeps a lot. It hurts my heart so bad , my chest feels like its going to just explode . I cant put this all into words as I am an uneducated simple minded guy, if I had the brains I would make whom ever read this feel the pain in my chest just by reading this. However my vocabulary is limited to simple words . If the saying , walk a mile in my shoes could actually have a literal feeling to it , then one could see first hand that this aint easy and I am doing my absolute best here . While I understand there are thousands of others going through worse, still it dont make this a walk in the park , maybe south central . I am only bleeding here , I have a wound that is taking a while to heal, its not me showing weakness , its me saying hey Im cut deep , but Im on my feet being the best I can .
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 05:09:09 +0000
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