I met my shadow self in January. After meeting him I felt compelled to shelve all other stories for now, revisit my shadow experiences in this lifetime, and rewrite them for the last time. Before I continue sharing them, here is the story of meeting my shadow: Shadow Self I - Ghost I journeyed and arrived at my lower world on the village green. I turned and looked caddy-corner across the full expanse. A new spirit drifted towards me. He seemed to float into the center from the opposite corner, then he stopped and beckoned me silently to ‘come’. He looked spooky, in a long flowing grey robe with his hood up and his face in shadows. Mist actually swirled up where he passed, and he looked like he was floating above the ground rather than walking on it. He was the quintessential phantom. He reminded me a LOT of the ‘Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come’. I was never scared by that story though. I always loved it. I haven’t spent my life afraid of haunted houses or what people typically think of as ‘eerie stuff. I like black cats. I always wanted to have a real ‘haunted mansion’ in my neighborhood so I could go meet the witch or whoever owned it, or else if it was empty I imagined that I’d make it into my own secret hideout. What scares other people can actually be a welcome and safe place. I have feared many things in this world. When I was young I feared ‘death’, who I now know was the displaced soul of an ancestor trying to scare me by rattling his chains in my bedroom and leaning over me with his icy breath. Some ghosts and spirits I knew were friends of mine and others weren’t. I knew that the other really angry ones to avoid were the ones down in the cellar drain, because we’d built on their sacred land there on our street in Ohio. I was afraid of spirit snakes in the pipes for good reason – I really did get snake bites, which I’m sure must be scary and painful for a young child. I was afraid of the alligators that lived under my bed. Maybe they were my dragon family, helping to protect me as I slept? I knew something was there and I tried to leap the last couple of feet into bed each night. Once I was there I didn’t worry about them though. And I was fascinated by live crocodiles and alligators, though I never saw one in person. I was so disappointed that in ten days of canoeing the Everglades we didn’t see a single one. I always wanted to watch one track and capture prey, maybe a duck or something. I was afraid of the Hell hounds and of live dogs that reminded me of them, like the neighbor’s German shepherd kept chained up all of the time, always barking and leaping at us. There were sometimes Hell Hounds in my basement in Ohio and I had to move around them, just outside of their ‘range’ of movement, or tiptoe past them while they slept. I now know that those were real spirit experiences too. I became afraid of mice, rats and crows. When I was young I felt brave around them and sort of like they were always just pestering me. I knew that the rodents were ‘spies’ trying to sneak around and gather information for someone else. I remember knowing that if I really wanted to I could sing or play a pipe and charm them, like the pied piper. I knew that the crows were a different kind of spy, appearing when I was doing ceremony to watch but also to interfere. And when my little sister was born I knew that crows were her ‘natural enemy’ and I had to protect her against them until she was old enough and strong enough to defend herself. They were my nemeses. Those feelings only turned into fears as I grew up. I first felt afraid of mice around age 14-15 when Misty brought me a half-alive mouse as a love gift. I felt her leap onto my stomach in bed, and then something dropped onto me and began squiggling around. Misty came to lick my face but the wiggling continued on my belly. I turned on my nightlight to the horrifying sight of a bloody mouse trying to drag itself away. Who wouldn’t be scared by that?! It must have been perfect. It was time for me to fear and stay away from them, while I was hibernating? Then I was most afraid of humans. Nearly all of my nightmares and real fears were of people, and now I understand that my dreams were frequently my real past life experiences. Humans really are the true ‘threat’ here. The few horror films I saw like the Friday the 13th ones just gave visuals to my imaginings. I always wished that I’d never seen those. People are capable of such atrocities. Why would anyone ever watch those ‘Saw’ movies? The glimpses I’ve seen of the previews are terrifying. Enough said about that. I tested myself several ways to see if I was afraid of this ominous looking spirit? I wasn’t. I told myself that he is “my shadow self” and I had visions of him following me around all of my life, shadowing me and chilling me now and then at ominous moments. It was like he waited for me to have experiences and then he made sure some of their energy wrapped around me like cobwebs, so I wouldn’t forget and I’d be on the lookout for similar experiences to avoid in the future, adding a new layer of permanent fear to my subconscious. I literally had the vision of him pulling some of these webs off the events and wrapping them around me and patting them carefully in place. There were accidents when I broke things like a favorite lamp, saw my mom cry, and felt her sadness. I wont twirl around in the living room anymore! There were times when I was complimented for something and felt my sisters jealousy and anger. Ill try to be more subdued about my achievements! There were times I was teased by kids, like being called Big Bird when I was the tallest girl or boy in junior high. Ill hunch over and wish I was shorter! The shadows werent what I expected at all. In the glimpse I had, they were all simple life experiences like that. I could have shrugged off an accident, or realized that different people get compliments at different times, or noted how the boys felt threatened by a girl being taller than them. Instead I really did feel shame, thinking that I was too clumsy and too smart and too tall. My shadow self wrapped me in those feelings and they attached to me, like sticky webs that Ive carried around ever since. (Hallow ~ January 21st, 2014) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Photo - Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from the movie A Christmas Carol
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 04:23:17 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015