I must win this war. There is no aspect of my studies that is beyond my understanding or capabilities and yet I am struggling! At first I thought the Universe was conspiring to derail my efforts. However, on looking closer at the reasons for finding the adventure a challenge, I have found my own choices to be central to all the delays, interruptions and issues. I have found that my deepest personal conflicts surfaced during efforts to achieve the writing of the chapter contents. In case any other student pops in here, thinking that they should give up, I list a few of my negative forces, uncovered over the last couples of years in search of knowledge: • I am my own worst enemy; • Procrastination is a self-destructive process - an auto-immune disease; • Second-guessing what I write has me thinking and going in circles; • I am good enough but do not believe it; • Four key words: persistence, endurance, discipline, tenacity; • I am a gatherer of information, so much so that it is drowning me; • Fear of completion is huge; • My thought processes are too complex to achieve quick solutions; • My mind does not work linearly, logically - I am easily scattered; • I am skilled at avoidance behaviour such as attending sit-out when I could have said "Rain Check"; • I spend so much time planning that there is no time for the doing; • My ego and ambition dominate the ability to complete; • Perfectionism is a nightmarish characteristic - standards are set so high that I am never able to achieve success; • Just continue doing what I am doing - I am not going to win. Sadly, a lot of these misconceptions come from childhood times whilst observing and receiving the negative images provided by ancestors. These psycho aspects that block me from winning in a flash, cause anxiety, sleeplessness and, if I do not fight them, the possibility of failure and lack of final submission are on the horizon. I push on, confronting each of the negative mirrors I see. I feel that by seeing them, acknowledging them, I find a way of slaying them. Time will of course be the ultimate judge ...@ENGRDESTINY
Posted on: Fri, 14 Jun 2013 20:39:32 +0000
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