I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx (1890-1977): My Dad used to say always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. Peter Kay (2 July 1973-): Im on a whiskey diet. Ive lost three days already. Tommy Cooper (1921-1984) Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and its all over much too soon. Woody Allen (1 December 1935-): My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. Billy Connolly (24 November 1942-): Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W.C Fields (1880-1946): My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they werent that lonely. Les Dawson (1931-1993): Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard. Spike Milligan (1918-2002): If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. Dorothy Parker (1893-1967): I dont like country music, but I dont mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. Bob Newhart (September 5, 1929-): I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was Shout For Help. Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972): I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. Ken Dodd (8 November 1927-): Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. Mark Twain (1835-1910): I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: That never stopped you before. Bob Hope (1903-2003): The first time I see a jogger smiling, Ill consider it. Joan Rivers (June 1933- September 2014): I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Mae West (1893-1980): Hes not the Messiah. Hes a very naughty boy! (in Monty Pythons Life Of Brian) Terry Jones (1 February 1942-): Politics is just show business for ugly people. Jay Leno (April 28, 1950-): I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup. Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-): Trying is the first step towards failure. Homer Simpson (1987-): Well, heres another nice mess youve gotten me into. Oliver Hardy (1892-1957) to Stan Laurel (1890-1965):
Posted on: Thu, 11 Dec 2014 21:07:01 +0000
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