I never really post my very private and personal feelings in public. For reasons I cant even understand, perhaps being lonley is enough to share my thoughts w/you all tonight. Life has been very hard for me, especially the past couple years. After a breakup w/my childrens father, a long and very painful custody battle that the court system dragged out for years, and then shortly after.. my best friend.. my grandmother past away. I have slowly declined and absolutely fell apart, time and time again. Ive tried to move on, Ive had a couple relationships, twice engaged, that have failed miserably.. and Im sure its my fault. I push people away because I dont want to hurt anymore. Ive even managed to destroy my relationship w/my own mother and my sister. However, that was not my fault. I guess the point that Im trying to get to is that some of my posts are negative and insensitive.. and I apologize. Sarcasm is my only way to cope w/pain and empty promises right now. I am not that person in the real world. I am very pleasant, loving, and Im that girl that would give you everything until I have nothing left just to make you happy. I made it through Thanksgiving w/a smile on my face because I shared it w/some of the most generous and loving people in the world.. who love and believe in me and ask nothing of me in return. As Christmas and The New Year approach us fastly I am going to get through just fine, whether it kills me or not. This new year I resolve to get out of the dark place inside myself and dedicate to becoming a better person. I have so many great plans for the future. Ive once heard that the best way to get beyond yourself is to volunteer your time to help others.. and God willing, thats where Im going to start. I know this dramatic change wont happen overnight.. but Im trying.. this new year Im going to give it my all. Thank you everyone for listening, and always being there. Happy Holidays and Love to all! Tess
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 04:37:04 +0000