I originally posted this with my weekly(ish) update on the OWBN-OOC list on Monday - The term bullying has come up a lot in dialogue among gamers. While it is important for us to address situations where participants within our organization are harassed, the term bully has been overused. There are times when the term has been used to silence dissenters who have valid concerns and are critiquing a situation. I feel that as a community we need to be more aware of how we describe different types of communication (both verbal and digital) and recognize the subtle yet importance differences between those descriptors. I do not feel that critiques count as bullying. Critiquing is giving an evaluation on a creative work or action with the intent of sharing how future attempts could be better. To throw in some corporate-speak: its feedback with the overall intention of creating a better end product. Sometimes the positive elements of the creative work or action are also discussed as a way of softening the negative feedback, but not always. Getting negative feedback when you put your time and energy into a project stings a little, whether youre a novice or an expert in your craft. It feels like a personal attack, but in all honesty, it probably isnt. Its a sign that you did something that caught the attention of others, and that whatever youre working on has the opportunity to become even better. Just remember that you arent going to please everyone 100% of the time. There was a saying that I saw on the Internet awhile back that fits this perfectly - Pursue passion, not approval. One of the things that most people (especially artists) learn to do is emotionally detach their ego from their work. That way, they dont perceive critiques of their work as a personal attack against them. Complaining and venting about a situation isnt necessarily bullying either. Sometimes you are so riled up about a situation that you need to express it. On one hand - great, the emotion shows that you are passionate about the issue. Sharing how you feel gives you the opportunity to feel heard or to recognizing that your own emotions are legit. However, some discretion is needed when it comes to who you vent your frustration with. Most of us have been raised in a culture of over-sharing where we post our various thoughts on social media without a second thought as to whether the other people involved want their dirty laundry aired. This may cause more drama than intended, especially if you havent shared your frustration with those who did the actions you are frustrated over. If someone is critiquing or complaining, they are typically willing to open up dialogue on what is wrong and how to fix it. In most cases, the critic is willing to examine perspectives beyond their own. Complaining crosses the line to trolling when it is more sensationalistic than fact-oriented and the end goal is to be disruptive by drawing negative attention towards a person or situation. Granted, some people are dense when it comes to the feelings of others. However, when theres an outright disregard that someones feelings may be hurt, that typically falls into trolling. When its less about fixing a problem and more about getting accolades for tearing something apart, thats trolling. Does trolling count as harassment or bullying? Some people feel its their calling to be negative about everything. However, others are specifically trying to evoke a response from their target - either in upsetting them or showing dominance over them. When that happens, especially when it happens on a repeated basis - that is bullying. Where does calling out bad behavior fall into this? We have systems in place where specific members of our organization are able to investigate matters where individuals are violating the goodwill of our community - whether its cheating, bylaw violations, etc. Those people are empowered to investigate matters on behalf of players and our organization, and who can gather information beyond hearsay and bring it forward to Council if need be. Its much like going to the police if you suspect illegal activity. They do the investigation, and if theres substantial evidence the suspect is brought through the legal justice system. Im glad to see that theres a movement within our community to promote constructive feedback and to hold others accountable. We need to be willing and comfortable with sharing what we dislike as well as what we like, and we need critics who are able to engage in dialogue with those who are volunteering to make our org a better place. While our volunteers need to be able to take the occasional complaint in stride, that does not give our participants permission to trash talk or belittle them. To quote Bill & Ted: Be excellent to each other. To also quote Will Wheaton: Dont be a dick.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:19:02 +0000
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