I purposely havent updated for a few days. Claudia hasnt woken up for the last five days, she has opened her eyes and her eyes have rolled, although she has been listening to me. She senses my contact, feels our warmth and above all, she knows that she is safe and that she is loved. I have sat and told her about how much she means to us all and that very soon, all of this will be over for her. I held her hand and stroked her face and told her that she will be a little girl again, in the very near future. I told her that she will be able to run again, freer than ever and faster than ever, that she will be able to do handstands and cartwheels, that she will have gorgeous long golden hair and that she will never suffer, nor feel, nor experience any pain, of any type, ever again. She turned her face towards me and I didnt imagine the corners of her mouth lift upwards, she knows and she is happy. We cannot ask for anymore, another Christmas, another birthday.....well, why? I promised Claudia one last summer, this summer and we got that. July 18th 2013, we were told that she wouldnt survive the night, that her time had come but I knew it hadnt. I fought and fought for Claudia and she experienced the summer with us all but now, well now, I feel different. I feel a huge sense of peace and calm but like a lamb being led to the slaughter, I accept our fate. Its time now, we are all tired, too tired to fight, too tired argue and too tired to try and change what we cant. Acceptance is where we are. Claudia, with a bond like ours, even death cant divide us. You are me and I are you, we are one. You grew inside of me, I gave you your life, albeit far too short a life and you have suffered more than anyone ever should. I am sorry. I am sorry that I couldnt protect you nor change the outcome but I promise you baby girl, that if love could have changed things, youd never have spent a single day sick in your entire life and you would have lived to be at least 100. I dont want to let go, I dont want to say goodbye, but we have no choice. I feel the time for your long sleep is near and you, more than anyone, deserve that rest. Claudia, I love you, Mummy
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:29:58 +0000
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