I received a number of emails from some folks asking what I thought of this video. I want to be gentle here (as one of the folks in the video is a friend of mine). A simple version of my perspective is: I think the video has some good things to say but is wrongly titled. What the individuals are talking about in the film is giving attention not giving presence (and this is a key difference, not just a semantic one). A little longer version... As humans, our conscious attention is something we can give to someone (or not). Like when some of the folks beg people to put down their cells and look each other in the eye. That’s a very good practice. That act is giving someone your attention. That is not giving someone your Presence. Attention and Presence are related but distinct. Hence I think the video would have been more accurately titled something like “Can I Have Your Attention Please?” What do I mean when I say Presence is not something we can give or not give? Consider this analogy. The relationship between Presence and attention is like that between a compass and a needle. You can point the compass in any direction and get an orientation. The needle of the compass is like our attention this way--we can point our attention in a direction. For example we can point it to another person. We can point to our own interior space, we can place our attention on our breath (as is recommended in the video). We can place our attention on our environment. As we move our attention then we get an orientation, we experience different phenomena depending where we put our attention. If we put our attention to our internal experience we get thoughts, sensations, emotions. If we put it to another we get a glimpse into their world. If we put it to our environment, objects, events, and patterns all around us leap out to the forefront of our experience. Attention is the needle of the compass. Presence however is True North. True North does not move. Hence you don’t give it or not give it anymore than True North can give or not give itself. It Is. Giving or not giving doesn’t really factor into the equation. If a person holding a compass lays their hand flat and stops moving the compass where does the needle automatically point towards? True North of course. The way to access your Presence is to relax conscious attention. It will inevitably and naturally then return to its True North, i.e. Awareness or Presence. At that point one is not giving their Presence; they are Presence. At best perhaps we could say they radiate or give off Presence but that’s not what’s being discussed nor experienced through the video. Relaxing attention is simultaneously the simplest and most difficult of things to do. It’s difficulty lies in how simple it really is. It’s far simpler (and therefore far harder) than any of the actions described in the video. For example, a number of the interviewees talk a great deal about attending to your breath as a way to give presence. But placing your attention on your breath is not relaxing your attention and hence not about accessing Presence. It’s deploying your attention. It’s like pointing the compass in a direction and getting a reading from the needle. Placing your attention on your breath or on another person does not bring you to Presence. It brings you into a greater state of mindfulness and attentiveness. Those are wonderful things and we need much more of them in our world. So again I appreciate what the folks in the video are advocating in that regard, but it’s not Presence. You can be either attentive or inattentive. You attention can be divided or undivided. Your be mindful or mindless. You can be distracted or centered. But you are always Aware in those moments If you are distracted you are very Aware that you are distracted. Just as if you are centered you are Aware you feel centered. You are always Present to the reality that you are say attentive or inattentive. Your Present Awareness is your Presence. It’s not even right really to call it your Presence as it’s not an object that can be possessed. You don’t need to gain your Awareness or Presence because you never lose it. Nor could you ever give it away. Presence, True Presence is about realization not giving/not giving. So to reiterate, I think it’s important to cultivate more conscious attention in daily life, particularly in relating to other people. Discipline your attention and yes give it as a gift in a gentle, loving way. But don’t confuse your attention for Presence. Don’t confuse the needle on the compass for True North. Learn to relax attention and you will find Presence has always been there. It’s important to learn how to consciously direct the compass of your attention. It’s also very important to learn how to relax the movement and let the needle return to True North. Both are important. Just don’t confuse the two.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:57:22 +0000
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