I remember when I was little, waking up in the middle of the night and having to go to the bathroom. The house was always so quiet. Opening my door Id see every other one was closed, and there was only the hallway leading to my destination. You see, I was the kid that loved scary movies. I still do. I would stay up late and catch Friday The 13th Part 5 on USA. It was always fun in the moment, but when youre 7 and the house is pitch black you really start to wonder how smart that was. You swear that you can see shadows moving, figures swirling in the small swath of moonlight peaking through the windows down towards to the kitchen. Just get to the bathroom, Id say to myself. Once there, Id hit the lights, flooding the small room with safety and comfort. But when I was done, I had to go back out again. And this, folks, this was the scary part. Because once you turned that light off, there was only darkness behind you, and anything could grab you, snatch you by the shoulders and yank you into a monstrous nightmare you thought only existed in the movies you really, really shouldnt of watched. Deep breath. You know exactly how many quick and hurried steps it takes to make it back to your room. Move as far out of the bathroom as you can while still being able to keep your hand on the switch, it gives you a little head start. Ready? 1....2....GO!! Step, step, step, step, why is my door partly closed??! Crash through it, dive into bed, you made it....deep breath....you made it. Youve survived another night. Stop drinking so much damn water before bed. I dont know exactly what age I stopped being afraid of that darkness. I still saw the figures swirling from time to time, but by then they were familiar faces. The hurried steps and perfect timing became a casual stroll. Sometimes Id even head towards that kitchen. Grab a bite of cookie dough and a swig of milk. Head back to bed. Nothing grabbed me. No monsters ever came. For some of us though, were still there, stuck in that place of fear. Were still running for that light, terrified of the darkness and all the hurt and pain hiding within in, biting at our heels, riding on our shoulders. Some days, some weeks, some months, I become that little kid again. Counting my steps, and panicking at every closed door. Its hard to catch my breath. Its hard to turn and face the night. The quiet. All of the projections my imagination has given sharp teeth and claws to. Gradually I remind myself that its within me to stand firm. That theres nothing to be afraid of. That even when I cant see the light in front of me, its only just around the corner. I hope all of you, when you find yourself trapped in those scary nights, running from memories you thought youd never escape, I hope you remember that strength is within you too. Youre not that little kid anymore. You dont have to be. I dont know why I write this today. Maybe its the overcast rain. Maybe its the thought of friends weve all lost to that darkness. Maybe its just a story for a Tuesday. In any case, its out there. I hope it helps. I hope you take it with you. Youre safe now. Live in that light. Peace peace.
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 18:52:06 +0000