I routinely wake up at 3am every morning, wander my fingers to the - TopicsExpress

I routinely wake up at 3am every morning, wander my fingers to the lamp next to my bed and switch on the light while I convince myself that I am not that reliant on you, that your flesh is not my only hiding place in the wee hours of the morning, that I am not entirely useless in your absence, that I remember to comb my hair and make my lunch box for work because it is at that time of the night that I realize I have peaked in my solitude for my body has gotten used to some habits best entertained when you are around. It is at that time of that night that I change positions from facing the wall with my back drowning inside your breath to rushing into the sea in your bosom running away from the writings on the wall, I bury my head in your heartbeat, in your warmth and you unconsciously embrace me out of habit. It is at that time of the night that I force your arms open to devour me once more to my next trance, that time of the night that I mumble your name, shake every part of you until you wake and I ask you to take me to the bathroom because I am afraid of the dark. It is at that time of the night that I realize that I am here, without you and I start gulping for air to survive the next second. Ive been here so many times I disgust myself.