I sit here thinking about a short lived romance. Secure knowing that I am a better man to have had this happen to me the way it did. I dont doubt myself, nor feel badly as bad as I thought. The wonder of what couldve been still haunts me. I saw her, by that I mean whom she really was minus all the b.s. that she was hiding. And I KNOW i touched her soul and her heart. Idk why she wants to run around and be someone that she knows she is not. Baffles me. Maybe her past prevents her from having a future, or maybe her present isnt what she said it was...I may never know, Im good with that. Idk why I even wonder, worry or concern myself after the way she toyed with me the way she did. I think she thought id stumble and the truth would come out... lol... never happened, cause the truth was told to her from the get go. Maybe she just doesnt want a serious man, a stronger than her man... dont know. My compassion is still there, go figure. Well, I burnt the bridge I built, if she decides to try me again, she will have to build her own bridge. She probably thinks I should, but I already have. I am worth the effort I know I am, the question is does she? Time and God will tell.... I dont want to search for another, I dont want heartache and disappointment anymore. I went someone strong enough that knows how to lay it on the line, no matter how messed up they think they are inside, no matter what transgressions they have committed. Just be real. Im true, honest, loyal and real. I own myself, I own my situation and I have absolutely nothing to hide. I will always tell truth even when it makes me look bad, because I also own my mistakes. I want someone who I can talk to everyday, be with more than once a week, and not be treated like a doormat, or a stray dog. By that last sentence I mean; after being gone,dont show up, wipe your feet off on me, then expect me to wag my tail and be excited to see you. I often think Im not normal because nobody seems to want nor expect what I do from a partner/mate...wont stop me from being me though... thats impossible, because I cant and wont contain myself, nor my emotions... bottled up crap all my life, took all the B.S. I am gonna take, and will not settle for nothing cheap in a relationship. Notice the first four letters in the last word of the last sentence...REAL......anyway, Im off to bed, gonna get some rest, then go thank God tomorrow. Thank you Lord for me. Thank you for guiding me true, and loving m and letting me know that I am ok, and I am enough of a man to handle what life can throw at me as long as a stand faithfully by your side. To all who may read this, be blessed in your travels, and may you always know what the end goal is.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Nov 2014 02:00:45 +0000
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