I think I have finally figured a thing or two out and I am beginning to see things a little more clearly. Its nevitable that you look back on your life and wonder about certain thinks that have been a part of your journey. For the past several years I have questioned why I never settled down, had a family of my own. Alright,I will go even a step further, why it is I have zero friends. There is a scene in a movie As Good as it Gets that replays over and over in my mind. When I am out and about and see couples holding hands I have gotten ticked off and wondered why I dont have that. I get sad when I see families enjoying themselves and wish that I had children. I always wanted four boys and two girls although I am not sure why or how I came to the conclusion of that mixture. And although I really enjoy seeing all the postings of pictures of all your children, I must admit that I am envious, maybe even a little jealous. No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, nor am I depressed about it. It is what it is. I was watching 19 kids and counting on television and I had one of those ah ha moments. They talked about how children learn about relationships from their parents and that parents are supposed to teach their children about them and about marriage. It then hit me like a ton of bricks. I never learned how to have a relationship. Dont think I blame my parents, I dont. They did the best they could with what they had, although their marriage was not in any shape or form a good one. I now understand where and why there has been a problem; You cannot do what you do not know how to do That being said I do want to say to Nancy, Audrey, Kathy, and the others, that I apologize for not being a better boyfriend. And to the one guy that I truly believe that tried to be a friend to me, Eric,I am sorry that I couldnt be a better friend to you. Please try to understand that at the time I did not know why. Believe it or not this makes me feel better about a lot that has happened in my life. I can let go of a lot of guilt and feelings of being a giant loser! Besides that being alone does have it perks!
Posted on: Sun, 26 Oct 2014 18:16:53 +0000
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