I try to find a reason. I sometimes wonder if it is worth it. Why must I travel this road? I dont really know. I look to a higher power for the answer. It is not always clear to me. I find myself lost and all alone. I wish it wasnt so difficult. I feel very stoic with no real emotion. I try to look to the brighter side but all I see is darkness. It is never going to get better. I am afraid. I never chose this life. Sometimes I feel like I just want out. I must be strong. It is not easy for me. What is the alterative? I really dont know. If I left it really wouldnt matter. Everyone is preoccupied with their own lives. No one really cares anyway. I have lived long enough to know. I have joy in my life. My son is my greatest gift. I have pain in my life too. Emotional pain, depression and gender dysphoria. I have struggled way too much. Im tired. I just want to be at peace. I try to hold on to hope. I try not to think too much. My mind is cloudy. I wish it would get better. I am confused. I dont really know. Who can I turn to? Life is truly unpredictable. One moment you feel everything is ok and the next you feel like saying goodbye. I feel sad. I want to cry but Ive cried too much. I must hold back the tears. I thought about my situation and what will make the difference. Is surgery the answer or am I still going to feel my pain. Will surgery truly make me feel more like a woman. I dont know for sure. Am I selfish? What will my future hold? Were all going to die anyway. I am strong. I am weak. I wished things could be better. I once believed but now I am not really sure. I am a puzzle which can never be completed. That is the story of my life. I want to soar like a bird in the sky. I want to be liberated. I want to be set free. I dont want to be in pain anymore. I just want to be able to smile and be happy and take pride in who I am. Is that too much to ask? I think not. I just want a chance to show all of you who I truly am. Thats all. Plain and simple. I am that little girl. I am Emily. Good Bye. Love you all! https://youtube/watch?v=8G1jdNItuzo
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 05:13:44 +0000
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