I used to think that I was going to be able to recover and “not change” as far my weight is concerned. I was fully convinced that I would be able to be “better” and not put on any weight; obviously this is NOT true! I decided a few months ago that I would no longer have a scale in my house. I believe that this decision has ultimately helped me to move in the direction towards recovery and I am so grateful for that. However, that being said I had not weighed myself for months until last Thursday when I was forced to be weighed in a room full of people, due to a job that I recently accepted. I was told that as an officer we would have to be weighed… A part of me was like *&^# SERIOUSLY!? I wasn’t sure what the number was going to be as my pants size has not changed but it still made me nervous. However, I (slightly to my surprise) have in fact put on 10 pounds since the last time that I weighed myself… Yes, 10 pounds. I know at one point in time this would have been enough to send me over the edge but, the job that I am about to start is physically demanding and I must be healthy; not to mention I actually really like being in a recovered state. I don’t miss my disorder anymore and I feel empowered that I’m able to continue on the “right” path despite the difficulties that come up in my life. For the first time I am actually able to embrace that I am okay just the way that I am. I don’t want to lose weight… I just want to be healthy. Whatever the scale says doesnt matter because I use my clothes and the way my body feels as a gauge for health. Do not mistake me, I have my moments just like anyone else, but ultimately I have decided that I want to be free; I want to make myself proud. And so because of that decision which is mine and mine alone to make; I will be. I know you may feel like nothing is ever going to change. I know that you may feel like you are trapped by that which is reflected back from the mirror or scale, but one day all of this is going to come to a halt. One day you are going to have to decide what you want. It is not going to be an easy choice, but it will be one that only you can make. You can do anything; you can be anything; and you can by all means be free! So fight!
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 01:03:08 +0000
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