I used to work in an office building, down by the lake. I had to be in the area again today, and I found myself walking the same path I used to walk from Union Station south towards the water. A couple blocks before coming to my old office, I stopped in my tracks. The last time Id been there, there had been a huge hole in the ground and an enormous construction site. Now, there were condos and a grocery store and office buildings and a restaurant where businessmen were drinking beers. So much had sprung up. Which isnt unusual for Toronto. There are new buildings every week. But I took notice of this one because of something I suddenly remembered. Id gotten a message at work that the man I was seeing at that time had cheated (again). I was devastated and knew I needed to slip out of the office or I was going to make a scene. (Open concept cubicles are such cruel things.) I went for a brisk walk to catch my breath and when I felt I was far enough from work that I didnt have to hide, the tears came. They came hard. Quietly but hard. And it was on this spot, where there now stands a huge building complex, that two police officers came up to ask me if I were okay. I blushed. I told them I was fine. It was okay. The woman said, Come over here, and gently steered me to an area off the sidewalk, screened by the construction boarding, and tell us about it. Her partner, a young man said, Whatd he do? We all smiled. It was that obvious. And then I gave the very short version of why I was crying to myself at York and Bremner. They both shared stories of heartbreaks. They both gave me their numbers in case I needed to talk. They were very kind in a moment when what I needed most was to feel worthy of kindness. (People can be so good like that.) I headed back to the office, feeling less cry-y. I stayed with that guy. Hed cheat on me once more before Id end it. And then I would date another man who would do the same thing. There were two more heartbreaks before I saw the pattern, and then it all worked out. I think you call in the lesson you need to learn until you learn it. No judgment in that. But, gosh, those heartbreaks were hard. I dont know the names of those police officers. But I sent them each a hug through time and space today, standing on the corner where theyd tended to my heart, standing on the corner that was once a hole and is now many, many storeys high. And I was thinking of them, still, when I got back home and opened my laptop to find a message about a program that, if I could travel through time and space, Id send to Younger Carrie, the one I was remembering today. Its called He Loves Me Not: a sacred journey into your love for unavailable men and if you are in love with an unavailable man or have just broken up with an unavailable man or know a girlfriend with a fondness for these sorts of fellas, this might be something to look at. And go hug a police officer.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 20:34:15 +0000
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