I usually say a whole bunch of dumb shit on here, because there are way too many people that take sh*t way too seriously - not this time. So, I read his [#MattWalsh] article the other day. I thought, Well, this douche is entitled to his opinion, just as Im entitled to mine. - and I left it alone. Then, after reading this article, he back pedals from his stance. Whether he realized what he was talking about, or not, this represents a few of the obvious problems with social media; the emotional meaning is usually misinterpreted, unless thoroughly explained. At that point, the meaning is lost; and anyone can be a blogger. You dont need an extensive background in anything. Sh*t, you can lie about your background and part of the population will eat it up online. Anyway, this guy writes about RWs suicide and called it a choice. He called it selfish. I can agree with that. Yes, I agree - for someone in a normal state of mind, its selfish. If he/she was a normal individual, it would be considered a horrible choice. Now, Im not an expert. Nope. Im not educated in the fields of psychiatry, psychology, psychoanalysis (I like this word because it has ANAL in it) or behavioral therapy. Sh*t, I got a C in my Intro to Psych class, but I can tell you from personal experience, and through the painful life experiences of others: depression is NOT a choice (sometimes). Suicide is NOT a choice - Not to someone suffering from depression. Let me explain: Imagine, on any normal day your vision is 180 degrees from left to right. Your peripheral vision gives you a large field of view. You can see 180 degrees without turning your head to either side. This is your life in normalcy; 180 degrees of options, 180 degrees of life. Now, depression has the ability to squeeze your field of view and cover it in darkness. Your vision becomes narrowed. Your ability to see the things that SHOULD make you happy went from 180 degrees to 90 degrees. This gradually narrows as your depression grows. In reality, you still have 180 degrees of choice, but you dont realize it - because depression continues to squeeze your field of view. Now, lets imagine that depression has narrowed your field to the point of 1% vision. This tunnel vision is now focused on one choice. The only choice is suicide. To a depressed person - its no longer about choice. Its about a way. All other choices are still there, but they no longer exist in the field of view. Life and all its happiness - exist in your 179 degree blind spot. 1% becomes the way. Its THE way. Its the ONLY way. To understand this - you must narrow your field of vision to 1%. You must feel as if youve lost everything. You must lose all faith, all strength, and all vision. No matter where you turn, you face a dark and lonely direction. You have absolutely nothing; loss of faith in whatever you believed in, the fight in your humanity is stripped down to a pile of worthlessness, you want for nothing as nothing is all there is, you have no desire to move on, your strength is tapped - youve lost your faith, your will, and your desire. Nothing fuels you. No inspiration exists to you. There is nothing to motivate and push you to move forward. Life is an eternal abyssal darkness - All you see is 1%. Where is the choice in that? Id like to tell you about a piece of me. A piece of my childhood - about my good friend Mary G. (if you know, you know) in the early 90s. She was a beautiful young girl who chose suicide, because she saw no other way. Based on her time of death, I was the last person she spoke with. We spoke several times a week about teen stuff, sometimes two or three times a night. My friends and I would visit her and her friends every so often. She was always smiling. After we spoke for the last time, I was supposed to call her back that same night - I was unable to. Her birthday was coming up. You see, she felt ugly (- 45 degrees). She felt like no one noticed her (- 45 degrees). She felt like she didnt fit in (- 45 degrees). Although, surrounded by amazing and beautiful friends, she thought nothing of herself (- 45 degrees). She saw nothing. She saw ZERO degrees of choice in life. She was unique and talented, yet thought nothing of herself. Amazing - because she was stunning to me and to many others. At her funeral, which I could not bring myself to attend, people from all over the Kanto plains expressed how beautiful she was to them - by the hundreds. Sure, in the remaining ZERO degrees of life she saw many choices. I remember blaming myself for years - Id stopped her from attempting suicide a few times before, and I begged for her to get help. At that time, I didnt know what options were available, as my pleas for help were overlooked by others saying to me, Its just a phase, shell get over it. - and I bought it. The night that I was supposed to call her back; I knew she was waiting for me to call, I never did - the next day, she overdosed on her mothers prescription medications. Her family arrived later that day. It was too late. I was devastated. All these years - if I had made that last phone call to her, would she still be here? Would she be with her husband and posting pictures of her children on instagram? Would she be one of my fb friends across the country, playfully calling me a dumbass online? Would she be one of those surprise phone calls at 3:00 AM, because she noticed I was posting stupid sh*t? And her choice is one of many Ive lived through. No. My c*nt-of-a-douchbag-Mr. Walsh. No, this was not a choice. To her, just as it was to #RobinWilliams, this was the way. It was the ONLY way. If you cant see the difference, I urge you to figure it out before you go talking sh*t like an arrogant-pretentious-hipster-know-it-all, without the balls to stand up for your f*cked up theory on - its a choice. You wrote it. You back that sh*t up, f*ckin p*ssy. Write what you mean to say, and say what you mean to write. Its easy. When I say, Nice boobies, I actually mean it. And look! I wrote it, too! Heres one for you - do we know how many combat experienced military members suffer from this choice? Heres a number - 22 combat veterans make this choice a day. 22 motherf*cking, freedom fighting, war hardened, US loving, bled for your dumbass right to say stupid sh*t, God bless America - Military Combat Veterans a DAY. 22. 22 Combat veterans a day - CHOOSE SUICIDE I dare you to tell the families of these combat vets that they CHOSE suicide. Look them all in the eyes and say, Your son/ daughter, father/ mother CHOSE suicide. - f*cking skinny jeans wearing jerk. Get over yourself, take the silver spoon that mommy gave you out of your c*nt, and learn some sh*t. At least, have the decency, the conviction to stand up for what you said, and back it up. Speak YOUR truth, back it the f*ck up, or STFU - the CHOICE is yours. So - No. To those affected by depression, there are no other choices. There is only a way; a way to remove the pain, a way to suppress the agony of loneliness and misunderstanding. There is only one way to escape the feeling that your words, your life, your existence means nothing to anyone - not even to yourself; useless and meaningless - without a choice, youre left with a way. The ONLY way out. ...and they took it - not by CHOICE.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 22:48:02 +0000
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