I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, Are you having it catered? And that, my friend, Is the definition of OLD! ~ ~ ~ Just before the funeral services, the undertaker Came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? 96, she replied: Two years younger than me So youre 98, the undertaker commented. She responded, Hardly worth going home, isn’t it? ~ ~ ~ Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: And what do you think is the best thing About being 104? the reporter asked. She simply replied, No peer pressure. ~ ~ ~ Ive sure gotten old! Ive had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes Im half blind, cant hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Cant remember if Im 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my Florida drivers license. ~ ~ ~ I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctors permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. ~ ~ ~ An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and Told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed. Why Wal-Mart? Then Ill be sure my daughters visit me twice a week. ~ ~ ~ My memorys not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memorys not as sharp as it used to be. ~ ~ ~ Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. ~ ~ ~ Its scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. ~ ~ ~ These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, For fast relief. ~ ~ ~ THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: I dont want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 13:42:44 +0000
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