I want to begin with a big ol thank you to 3 of our nieces, Kelly Ann Hoelscher, Krista Forck and Beth Rackers for stopping in and checking on their old aunt last night. Thank you for the picture album, the stories about Ms. Corrie (I think!!) and for listening to your old aunt repeat herself over and over! Promise me, please my sweet girls, you work on forgiving and letting go of your anger. Your cousin loved everyone of you: DRINK A BEER. You are beautiful….so share that Talken beauty and leave behind the anger. Death has to come to every one of us, we just didn’t see it coming to one of our family’s youngest grandbabies. I love you girls, I truly do. When did making our bed become such a chore that I had to turn it into a goal to complete for the day? When did putting on my makeup and doing my hair become a “that’s good enough” statement? When did seeing her dirty clothes in her hamper become a crippling fear? When did the thought of missing a day at her grave make me a horrible mommy? I guess the answer to that is July 5, 2014, the day our lives changed forever. The day we can no longer move on, the day we had to learn how to breathe, walk and live over again. The day grief moved into our house uninvited and doesn’t seem to want to move out and find a place of its own. The day our beautiful sweet Corrie decided to return to Heaven instead of staying with us. This seems to be another one of those yucky days where we wonder how is it the world around us moves on? How do people who knew Corrie continue on with their lives and future plans? HOW? Because they have to. That is life and that is what God expects them to do. So I guess we can make a deal: we won’t expect you to NOT to move on with your life as long as you accept WE CAN’T MOVE ON with ours. It is Sunday today and it seems both Ronnie and I had to make ourselves get up and move. We got ready and went to 7 am. Mass. Just when I thought “All right!, I am going to make it through this hour and even walk to Holy Communion with out crying, without remembering my babies casket in the same aisle I will walk down in a few short moments” ………….and then the choir broke into “BE NOT AFRAID”, as a friend said yesterday “Elvis has left the building”…..I had to leave early…..CRAP!! A couple of more things about the “G” word I would like to share with you. You can wake up in a pretty good mood, feeling stronger, and you begin to allow yourself to think maybe this is the day I can go 20 minutes without thinking about Corrie’s death, rivers, boats, hospitals or funerals, but in a matter of 1 second, grief will win again and grab you by the short hairs. No amount of talking yourself into being strong against Grief works. Grief doesn’t allow you to enjoy everything BCD fully again. You do things with your surviving child and hard as you try to rejoice in their successes, their joys, their future plans, their lives .. It always comes back to Corrie and how Corrie won’t have that same dream or Brian and Corrie wont ever be able to share that, etc. and then comes the ache in your heart, the lump in your throat and that nasty heavy wet wool blanket known as grief, again. You know no matter how hard you try to return to some type of normalcy in your life, it will never be the same. My little fractured family is still at the point where we still can’t accept she won’t be coming home to us anymore. Here is my challenge today for you to at least begin to think about. If you no longer go to a church or you have never belonged to a church, please think about at least visiting one, especially if you have kids. Ask God to open your eyes and heart to where he wants you and your family to attend. We as parents are responsible for laying a foundation, both morally and spiritually for our kids. How can they ever get to know and love God if they are not given the opportunity to attend church? Just make sure it is a Christ centered church. You never know if or when you may need your parish family, one day they may be as important to you as your blood family is. Please know I am not judging you if you don’t go, that is between you and God, I am only challenging you to once again, come out of your comfort zone, make a sacrifice by getting up early on a Sunday morning and attend a church service. Who knows? You may like it so much it is no longer a chore but a goal for the day. Psalm 27:4-5 “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.” God bless, LET GO LET GOD, Dimes, pink skies & stars, mismatched socks, magic rocks. lost crockpots, wet puppy dog smells, quiet time, holding hands, I LOVE YOU’s summer rains, strong daddies and Unicorns.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 16:54:36 +0000
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