I want to make something clear to everyone. I have had a lot of people message me and tell me about how much they love me and look up to me and I really appreciate that, it warms my heart but friends I want you to know something. You shouldnt look up to me, because I dont have it all together. If I appear that I do then I am sorry that I misinformed you. I dont have my life together because I am a work in progress and the only reason I have gotten as far as I have is because of Jesus carrying me. I have done NONE of this on my own, it has been under complete surrender to God every morning that I wake up. I dont know all the answers and when I am 80 years old, I still wont have all of the answers. I only know what God allows me to know and I only do what God allows me to do. I cant fix the world, but Jesus can. I cant mend broken hearts and I cant offer anyone salvation, but Jesus can. I wake up every day battling things. I battle not knowing if I am going to be good enough for who God is trying to create me to be. I FAIL HIM DAILY. I get aggravated with my children, I get aggravated with my husband, I have emotions that run like a roller coaster. I am overweight, 99% of the time I dont always feel pretty, I feel there are many times that I have failed so many people.I am an asshole to live with (And yes that is the truth, ask my husband, I am very stubborn!) I deal with being impatient, I have anxiety, I dont know how to sit down and play with my kids like I should. I struggle with that.... it makes me feel incompetent. I struggle with giving my attention to people A LOT. I want everyone approval all the time. Why? I dont even know the answer to that. I am not a quiet person. I love to talk and so many times I talk too much! I never know how to shut up, and sometimes I use humor to lighten stern situations, I LOVE spending time alone, as a matter of fact I cant get enough of it! (this does not make me love my family any less under any circumstance) Let me say this one more time friends.... I AM NOTHING WITHOUT GOD! I miss my old self from the moment I was converted to living for Christ. I miss dancing to the music, I miss having my hands in the air reaching up to God like a child and I miss those times I have had with him face down on the floor with my head in my hands, (just me and him, who cares about judgement!), I miss getting lost in a cadence of worship songs. I miss the testimonies.... all of those things are just a blessing from God. If you want to look up to anyone, look up to the sky in the Heavens where Gods Kingdom is.. if I make you smile, awesome, but please send that love strait up and out to everyone around you. I am not going to pretend like I have it together because I dont but the one thing I do know is that God loves me. God loves me just as much as He loves you. I will always be seen as a lesser person by a lot of people because I dont have money or have it all together and to me, that is okay because again. I am a work in progress just like the rest of us. I love you all and I pray that this clears up some things
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 04:07:33 +0000
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