I want to share a beautiful story of something so endearing it made me lose my breath today. I was at work and feeling a little jaded. Ive been a nurse for ten years now and showing empathy and caring is second nature to me. But now that I work in detox, Ive had to squelch my need to nurture people and I have been struggling to find a balance of caring for them while also being strict. It doesnt work because its not in my nature to be harsh to people who are ill. I follow the rules of my clinic but every spare chance I get I try to bring joy and understanding to the people I am caring for. My boss says I am enabling them and they are only taking advantage of my kindness. I went to work today with the notion I was going to give my two weeks notice. I told my boss that I dont think this place is a good fit for me because I didnt feel like I was doing anyone any good. Its little stuff too, allowing them to shower, off scheduled hours, when they feel sweaty. Allowing someone to sleep in when I know they were up all night with insomnia. Holding their lunch or breakfast for later because they were too sick to eat at the time. I was told to stop doing all that because I wasnt being helpful, I was being manipulated. I knew in my heart I wasnt. I had every intention of making today my last day in detox, All until...... Short version, some of my patients were bored and asked me for crayons or markers to draw. I went and got them all sorts of stuff. Construction paper, glue, markers, the whole 9! I saw them all sit together this afternoon doing crafts and they were able to forget for a moment that they were suffering. A few of them knew I was going to leave today and that they would probably never see me again... They surprised me with these goodbye cards. I was so overcome with joy I remembered all the reasons I wanted to work in detox to begin with. One of my patients told me I saved her life. That my small acts of kindness made them feel human, and less like an addict. I may not like the fact that I have to be stern. I may hate the idea that we arent allowed to nurture and baby them..... But the things they said and did for me today reminded me that I really am doing good. That I really am helping them heal. Needless to say I told my boss that I would hang in there. I also found courage to explain to her that some of the rules we have dont work on the detox side. They are more appropriate for residential treatment, but not in detox. To my shock, she agreed. And is going to give me some leeway to allow me to nurture, as well as give them structure I feel like I made a difference today. Working with addicts is hard. We cant fix them all and statistics show that we wont be able to help even half of them.. But my boss said to me today that we cant dwell on the ones we cant help. We can only appreciate the ones whos lives are better because of the treatment and guidance we gave them. There is no better feeling in the world than having someone tell you they are sober because of the tools you gave them. I feel worth my salt today. And I am thankful.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 04:54:53 +0000
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