I want to share a blog a friend of mine who wants to remain anonymous wrote. This is something that hits home to me now and I was that son long ago who inflicted pain to myself to deal with the pain and hurt inside I felt not knowing how to deal with what was going on inside. I just feel someone may need to read this going through the same situation. Sometimes: Sometimes I get tired of being the STRONG one. Sometimes I do not know what to do. Sometimes I am lost. Sometimes, I just want someone to listen to what ever it is bugging me, just listen, not judging what I am saying. Just be there. I do not need to vent often. I tend to hold it all in, and deal with it in my mind. Not easy to be me at times. I do not want to me right now. I see something on Facebook, or twitter and I ask a question and get called a STALKER,not from just anyone. From a family member. That hurts! That cuts deep. I mis understood the post I later found out. Now I am a stalker. Why– They put it out there, why Was it wrong for me to ask a question? Just do not understand. Then My son hurts his self. As a parent this is just so hard for me to see, to handle, But I am the Strong one. I have to handle it. I have to know what to do. What happens when I do not know what to do. I am not allow to cry, I am not allowed to get upset because that will make me weak. Lord I have prayed for him so much, yet the self hurting keeps going on. I am lost, I am just so lost. When I see him mad and bangs his head into a oak door, not once, not 2 times but 3 times, then with a fist hits his other arm.. why, what am I doing wrong? When is it ok for me to just let it all out. NEVER, If I did everyone would label me as crazy. Some days I feel like that. Some days I just want to go somewhere, where no one knows me, Right now if anyone was to ask me, How are you today, I would have to walk the other way.Then again, they may just be asking to say something and they could care less how I am. I see it all the time at churches, How are you? and they keep walking.. that speaks volumes to me. They do not care. they just ask.. I get so tired of some church folks who ask, but never takes the time to sit by you and talk to you. What happens when there is no safe place. I used to feel church was my safe place, Right now, today it is not my safe place. Right now If church was tomorrow, I would be a basket case. In tears due to so much is going on in my life. But that is normal for me. I just get tried of it all sometimes. What happens when I feel no one understands anymore. What happens when you get to tired to pray about the same thing “again” What then. I am searching, but not sure what I am searching for. Help!
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 03:41:10 +0000
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