I wanted to share this video again. I made it 8 mos. ago and it now has 15, 473 views as of this moment. You know people say, Why... Why did she/ he commit suicide? Why did they not reach out for help? I find it almost comical when so many of us with chronic illnesses have loved ones turn their back on us / use us for what they need and drop us. We are needy. We are downers. We are tired.... we are sick. But little do they know the majority of our trials we hide and shield. If you have someone bad mouthing you and calling you names... trash talking you, there really is no hope. I am really quite mad at myself for being duped on more than occasion which has severely damaged my ability to trust. And as I face the very real possibility of Fibro, a wrecked C spine and likely ANOTHER chronic illness (likely Lupus, MS or one of about 2 dozen other possibilities because of findings on my brain MRI), I lose more and more hope. When we get sick our loved ones are supposed to love us, not ignore us. Toxic people can sure sow toxic ideas. And Karma is a lovely lady, so I rest in that. I am not perfect but I like who I am. I like the heart I have and though I give more than I should... far more than I ever, EVER receive back..... I can look myself square in the eye and like who is looking back. We all have to be able to live with our decisions. Lets just hope they are the right ones. Just thinking a lot tonight.......Oh and why.... when you ask why when someone does this, what you really should be asking is Why are you surprised?. There is a girl in Oregon named Brittany Maynard getting ready to end her own life and it is not at a stage where it is even really all that bad. But at least she will be able to say that everything was said that needed to be said. I know Matt Walsh thinks he knows everything about everybody (he is just too sanctimonious for my liking... I cannot stand know it alls... and really, why does he even care? ). But this guy has OBVIOUSLY NEVER spent 20 years hurting everyday. He freely admits he is healthy and has never had a horrid disease. He has not had family and friends turn and walk away because they cannot handle it. And NO, Fibro is NOT terminal cancer. But I keep thinking of that comment my blog reader made. She has fought cancer twice and would rather fight it than deal with Fibromyalgia. I have never heard such a powerful statement in my life. Fibro is not just painful, it is lonely. And YES... I made this video to KEEP Fibromites from being in the 8-10 percent higher than average rate of suicicides. I made this to give hope. But as I sit here at 2 40 knowing that in 4 hours I will wake up and for the 14th day in a row I will have a pounding migraine, nursing a leg infection, I have knots through my neck and I have not slept lying in a bed for months and how I ache to sleep next to my husband...... I get where these people are coming from. I get the desperation. Fibro is not just painful. It is like having Leprosy. You are not just in horrific pain, you are shunned (once said people get what they need from you), door locked, key thrown away. Thanks for the vent at nearly 3 AM. I am tired. I am frustrated. And I just needed to blow off steam for I have been treated for fing unfairly by those I gave so much to. As much as I miss my Dad, I am glad he is not here to see it. He would be disgusted. Cast me gently Into morning For the night has been unkind ..... Sarah MacLachlan
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 06:52:38 +0000
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