I wanted to share with you, my last few hours with Mom. After waking yesterday morning with the new understood revelation of it not being me who put Mom in this state, I had to let her know. After my shower, Don asked if ok that he go with me to see Mom.. of course, I said sure.. We both got dressed & drove to Mom. I walked in her room, the same as Ive done, hey Mom.. then proceeded to tell her I saw her when I was sleeping, how the voices were talking, explaining Mom had strokes back from Lexington to Greensboro to Virginia. How, the other day when I wept, holding her hand, weeping Im so sorry, I had to Mom.. how now I understand I didnt do this & she needed to understand SHE didnt do this. There was nothing she could have done, nothing she should have NOT done, that could have prevented this. It was just simply, her body was breaking down. It was caused by the atri-fib & her body was just simply breaking down. It was nothing she or I did or didnt do.. and she had to know this. After fervently explaining in detail, I called my minister friend Donna Donna S. Stivala, who had offered to drive from Gaithersburg just to pray with Mom & me. I told her speaker phone was just as affective as face to face, not to drive those few m ore hours. I had also requested she pray the sinners prayer, not so much for Mom, but my belief is that someone might be walking by or that her words would remain in a bubble that, should someone else come at a later time, that bubble would burst & her words would be heard by that person in their soul. She prayed the most beautiful prayer anyone has heard. It was so full of gratitude, love, friendship,... just sweet & perfect! After the amen, I hung up with Donna & decided again to play Celine Dions Because you love me. I again told Mom that was our song, just as I did those months prior in the car. Don was still in our room, at this point a putty bearly able to speak, just crying saying, oh gosh Theresa, you gotta quit. I just told him, no way, this is how youre suppose to cross over. Its ok to cry, its ok .. its not suppose to be sad and hard cuz there is more to this than just saying good-bye.. When the song ended, 2 nurses came in. The young nurse again introduced herself while the other proceeded to tell us Mom had been resting peacefully, just as I was seeing her now. Then asked if there was anything we needed & said the hospice nurse wanted to see us & should be in shortly. We continued talking then the older nurse started sharing about sometimes when a strong family member decides to cross over, it happens after the family leaves. They messed with her IV then both left. After a few minutes, Don & I just talking with Mom there, the older nurse returned, casually listening to us, then asked if Mom believed in a higher being. I smiled, casually laughed saying OH yeah, talking about Don & I had started talking about how friends met Mom. I told him about Moms life, how Tressie McGuffin Hunt & Mom had met back when I was 5, both working in the mill. How when I had exploratory surgery at age 5, Tress asked Pastor Crane to come & prayer with us at the hosp & he did. How Mom decided after I was released 28 days later, she visited First AG to hear him preach & say thank you, then never left. I told about the church growing, when Rhonda Morgan Austin came in her life, then Joyce Pierce Smith, Joy Myers (Sandy Sandi Myers Jandt & Pastor Billy Myers Mom), Pansy Kimberly Smith Johnsons Mom), and many countless others. Then Moms involvement in the church & how she basically raised me to live this same belief. This older nurse then asked, which at the time seemed strange but I didnt mind, what kind of church if I didnt mind saying. I said Assembly of God.. she said oh ok.. so she believed it all.. I said oh yes, the FULL Gospel.. all of it Old to New.. Holy Spirit, tongues, the whole thing.. and lived it.. she said oh good.. then we talked more about Mom, leading to this moment. I told her about my grief when signing the DNR, how I just physically had to go to the restroom & just wept & was sick for such a long while Magen, my cuz stood by me, then that morning waking up to hearing my favorite hymn I Believe in a Hill called Mt Calvary & Celines song, to my profound understanding that morning & how I had to tell Mom. After all this, the nurse asked if I would like her to pray with Mom. I said yes & she took Moms hand, I already had Moms other hand.. then she proceeded to pray the most simple, beautiful prayer that Mom would cross over to Heaven, Don still silently sharing in there with us. By now several hours had passed, it was about 12n last I looked at the clock. We asked when she thought the Hospice nurse would visit. The nurse said, oh she left the floor but whatever you want to tell her, we can relay. We do everything too. So we gave her the funeral info then Don mentioned getting something to eat, then as I had kissed her by, I started fumbling with the TV remote and put Fran the Nanny on . Tat was her favorite comedy, followed by Bill Cosby. As Cosby started, my cell rang and it was Magen, asking our where-ats & tos. I decided to call her back and then again kissed Mom bye, telling her I love her & as always saying, Ill see you again in a little while but if you decide to leave before I return, Ill see you on the other side.. I promise, Ill be there Mom.. then left.. as Don & I walked down the hall I saw 4 nurses at the station, asked if the funeral info was needed & the same older nurse said no, she would take care of it & write it in the file right then. We left, got to the car, drove to the restaurant to meet Magen. It was 12:35 when this same nurse called & said, Theresa you mom has passed. I was in shock, I said really? she did? are u the same nurse who prayed with us in the room? she said yes.. I thanked her for calling & again for everything then called Magen. At this point, Don was just stunned.. After Magen got to the restaurant, we decided not to go back but eat instead. Magen said, Aunt Judy would say, what In the world are you coming back for? just eat.. we had to agree.. Don called the nurse to let her know we decided not to return. She said that was really the best decision. We ate, then Magen left for NC. During the course of the day, Don & I spoke about certain details.. one I told Don, I dont remember seeing a name tag on the older nurse nor did I remember her ever saying her name, did he? Don said, no he didnt.. Now remember, Don is trained in details, this is what hes done for 32 yrs as Marine, 4 wars, Police Capt, FBI Academy.. the man is not trained for emotion. He then talked about how it was odd, out of all the nurses, she was the only who knew about God, asking even Moms faith, then offered to pray saying he didnt believe that was protocol.. he said, Ive read about this stuff. do you think she was an angel? I mean, she even had hair style just like Judys... She had even said she was with Mom all night & all that morning.. we knew she was there after 12noon.. FB friends, the shift changes between 7-7:30am in 12 hr rotation. theres no way she could spent all night and past 12noon to work a 12 hr shift. I told Don I wanted to go back to MW to see if anyone knew her name .. Don said, no way.. I just rather believe she was an angel for your Mom.. & if I ever doubted anything, I dont anymore. .. after getting home I mentioned again.. Don still agreeing and shaking his head replied, Dont you worry Theresa, Im definately a believer now.. Ill contact when I have the details of Moms service. Ill see you in NC.....Thank you again for sharing with me..
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 12:23:24 +0000