I was born and raised here in Knoxville - East Tennessee, and I have lived here all my life. Years ago, I was having a conversation over a beer with a friend Ive known since kindergarten. He is black, and we were discussing racism. During our conversation, he said, Its not your fault, but youll never truly understand racism, because youre white. I remember that conversation as if I had it yesterday, because I was frustrated with his comments. He continued by saying, I dont blame you, but you only see the big stuff. You dont feel it every day in the little ways that I do - women scared to get on an elevator with me - people who lock their doors when I drive beside them on the interstate. Its always there, and you just cant know what thats like, because you arent black. I also remember clearly that I somewhat dismissed his position that night. Of course I could understand racism. I wasnt an idiot. I knew what racism was and how it occurred. I thought that I felt racism. A few years later, I decided that I had had enough of giving evasive answers to questions about what church I went to. I decided that I was just going to start telling people that I was no longer a Methodist or even Christian. I was going to start telling people who asked that I was at best agnostic but more than likely I was an atheist. I would be unashamed and unafraid of the ramifications of my beliefs. It was then that I realized exactly what my friend had meant in the bar that evening. Its hard to see all of something when youre part of it. Its different when youre on the outside looking in, and you cant truly know what its like until you are on the outside. Its truly amazing what people are comfortable saying and doing when they feel it is the righteous thing to do. Id never heard or experienced such things when I was on the inside. I never would have believed that they existed - the extreme judgement - the unabashed disrespectfulness - the unapologetic dismissal of what I had clearly stated were my personal beliefs in order not to show an expression of their beliefs, but to change mine by telling me what I should believe in. The righteous charge to save souls is truly tone deaf to the hurt and disrepect that it delivers to people who have made a choice to not believe as the soul saver believes. Im lucky though. Unlike men and women of color, I can take off my atheist skin and blend in. When Im asked, Where do you go to church? I can choose to respond, I was raised Methodist. Of course, it begs the question, Why should I have to?
Posted on: Sat, 07 Jun 2014 13:32:10 +0000
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