I was too exhausted yesterday when I got home and my lil bro was - TopicsExpress

I was too exhausted yesterday when I got home and my lil bro was asking me to help him in his project... And instead of helping him... First I shouted at him why until now his project is not yet finished, that He didnt do anything about his project, I was angry that time, too tired, too broken that even the tinniest thing i was easily angered, at first it didnt hit me what I was doing, all I wanted was to shout, to shout and shout until I can release the anger that I have inatored since Aug last year, I thought I am ok, I thought I can manage it until yesterday... I was hurt and without my intention My lil bro was hurt with my words... When I saw him about to cry, thats when the scenario had hit me, That evening I didnt slept well, I ask God what is wrong with me... And just answered me with one word... Forgiveness when I heard Him say that, I oubted him I even told him that I have forgiven everybody who have hurt me Lord, this morning when I have my re-encounter with me He showed me what is the meaning behind that Forgiveness it is true that I am nurturing hatred in my heart, whe I felt being cheated by my past relationship, whom He was used to be my bestfriend as well, that I have felt rejection to whom I trusted my spiritual life, that I was rejected by my cells and I have nurtured hatred instead of love; not just hatred but abhorration to them... Even my with my friends... I isolate myself because I was hurt and still hurting, and to the fact that I dont want to feel it anymore, I isolate myself with people who loves me, who cares for me,who cherishes me, I even Isolated myself to the poeple who wants to know more about me, that I have lived my life once again in my motto it is better for you to know less about me whats worst? I EVEN ISOLATED MYSELF TO THE ONE WHO LOVES ME MOST DESPITE OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE... I always tell myself that i have forgiven them, but God knows my heart so well than I know mine, He knows that I havent totally forgave them, that inside me, I dont want to see them, that I just hate them but I forgive them, then He showed me what is real forgiveness is all about, letting go of every pain that the person had caused you and giving it freely to Him... As I was about to run to Him and hug Him, I was surprised that Hes the one who reaches me first and hugged me so tight saying WELCOME BACK ALWYN MY SON, MY MAN OF VALOR, STOP CONDEMNING YOURSELF ANYMORE, THE PAST DOESNT MATTER TO ME ANYMORE, WHAT MATTERS MOST IS NOW What I have learned today is quite simple... FORGIVENESS If people can only give you up to 3rd chances well God can give you infinite chances for tou to rise up again, for you to be whole again, for you be able to come back to His loving arms again and again and again and again