I would like to use this time to express a few things, please read it as my thoughts, and not an attack on any one,, in the past year I have tried to reach out to family members, in one way or another , , many, many, welcoming. just by simply saying hello. THANK YOU. , however it is a continual rotation of of hate for things that happen yeas ago..... or just the denial of others action. there part, but because of my past its used as leverage when needed as a weapon. example when some one passes away im not told, until later or people try and keep it from me, no matter what your opinion is , you cannot take away my memories, of the person whom passed. but thankfully there is one person whom pick up the phone and let me know so I can have my piece. THANK YOU , to them.. but I get disrespected and then I get my past thrown in my face, and it appears that it is ok to do hurtful things and then not own up to them, that is crazy, mike and I believe strongly in showing respect every day, ( up here calling someone MR OR Mrs. and you get strange look, in the district people say here comes the Halls, and we are single out daily in a funny way, because of our mannerisms.) If there was support in the home and unconditional love I would of wanted to be there , yes things look good and proper in front of peoples eyes but behind close doors things are different. Every household hows there issues, so please stop acting like I was the only one whom ever had a problem at home, at one point and for along time I believed that when I reacted to things in my life, you are out casted for ever , but as time went by and I looked around, I realized that people forgive and families do work through things. at least some.do... im not only to blame but no one wants to own there share of issues that pushed me away, and I know that some of it may not even be their fault they just didnt have the capability to cope with a household, last night I received a text along one , expressing how much I pissed someone off by using the word. WHATEVER, TO DISMISS, an issue that came up 7 days ago. the text has some crazy things , then the person says if you answer angrily I will not read it someone else will then I will delete, THIS IS good example; they can approach me with hate accusations but I have to respond the way they want, if I do react im dismissed, I grew up with that attitude. and dang it here it comes again years later, its simply wrong and anyone with strong family values may be able to see that. again what went on in the past is the past, but it appears the past keeps going into circles so it can not become the past.. , Just to clarify, what I have been up to, I was a meth user to hide pain, got myself off of it cuz it just wasnt who I was, spent a year with counseling, to face what the issue was, had to realize that it would never be resolved, do to the fact the people dont own up to there part in things. , I managed to raise my family and several other kids on the way, I have been with the same man for 25 years, I put my self through college 4 yeas at night received a Medical Office Degree, while running a licensed through the state- in -home daycare during the day having 12 kids for 9 years. . and handling family matters. ( honestly this is no different then any other person has done this, especially a full time mommy and there is a lot out there.) currently i am helping my daughter through her first pregnancy, again nothing that no one else hasnt done, except for her its not meaningful to the eyes of many. some only want to be involved so they can appear to be a concerned person in case someone is looking, then there are others who dont express even a happy thought because of what others might think, that just crazy.. . or call when no one is around to vent, butt holidays come around and not a word is said , im not your punching bag, if you cant follow through on all issues not just the ones that benefit, you, dont expect me to respond to you. I dont expect any one to respond at all ,lets be honest if they havent responded by now they never will, but iam just fed up with getting accused. ignored, only getting phone calls when its there convince, sitting on telephone for hours so they can vent, but the second I need to work through something, oh hell no,, take a deep breath and ask yourself what have I done to hurt or help. and take care of yourself.. Its to bad because if anyone really knew me , they would no I get involved i m the person that jumps in to a problem to help not sit back and watch the problem happen, I speak up when needed not worried about what others may think. again so many have welcomed me back but its overwhelming on the other side. thanks.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Aug 2014 11:20:25 +0000
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