IELTS Homework of the week: Writing Task 1 (每星期分享一份無名學生的功課, 一起研究IELTS） Given is the graph revealing [1] the consumption of chicken, beef, lamb and fish (Grams [2] per person per week) in a European country between 1979 and 2004. The consumption of chicken displayed an upward trend growing from 140 grams in 1979 to 250 grams in 2004. In 1989, the consumption of chicken replaced beef as the most popular kind of meat. On the contrary, the consumption of beef, lamb and fish was declining from 1979 to 2004 [3]. Starting from 220 grams in 1979, beef consumption fluctuated until 1984 and then dropped significantly to 100 grams in 2004. Similarly, lamb consumption experienced a gradual decrease from 150 grams in 1979 to 55 grams in 2004. As for fish consumption, it remained stable at around 50 grams throughout the period in question with slight fluctuation. [4] All in all [5], the consumption of chicken rose at the expense of [6] [7] significant drop in beef and lamb consumption while fish consumption maintained steady across the whole period. Comments: [1] the information is not a secret 秘密, so it does not need to be “revealed/revealing” [2] Do not capitalize units [3] Since the graph ended in 2004, we should use the pastsimple and not the past continuous. “was declining” -> declined [4] Fish actually declined from about 60 to 40 grams, whichis a 50% decrease. [5] “All in all” is too informal for a summary report [6] “Rose at the expense of” is an assumption, since we donot know that people ate more chicken because they ate less beef/lamb/fish. Becareful to only summarize the information and not add any assumptions orpersonal opinions. [7] you have mentioned the drop before and it is shown inthe graph, so you need to add “the” Task achievement: 6 - no personal comments or assumptions - would be better to start with beef, fish and lamb, since these are the majority that declined (chicken was the only one that increased) - analysis of fish is slightly incorrect - good use of comparisons throughout the response Coherence & cohesion: 7 - paragraphs are too short - good use of connectives Lexical resource: 6 - try to vary the word “consumption”, e.g. was eaten, wasconsumed, people consumed etc. Grammatical range and accuracy: 8 - nearly perfect grammar - pay attention to articles (a/an/the) Overall: 7 - excellent first attempt; think about what is most important and organize the sentences from most important to least important - you can try to follow the templates I will teach in the future for a better structure
Posted on: Fri, 02 Aug 2013 09:51:27 +0000
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