IN MY 52 YEARS: I can remember many dark moments but 2 stand out above the rest. When i was 7, 1969, Alma Michigan. My Grandma and grandpa were visiting from Idaho and the night that they were leaving, like all little kids do, I said I WANNA GO WITH YOU GUYS, and they took me - 3 days later, im in Parma Idaho. Reality set in. Im away from my family for the first time in my life. I wanted my mommy more than ever before. I had an old raggedy pair of tennis shoes. I would sleep with these shoes and hug them and cry myself to sleep. they were the only thing I had that connected me to home. I was working in the fields. Torturous work. When it would rain we didnt have to work so I was so happy. That is the reason that, to this day I am at my happiest whenever it rains. My grandparents were threatened that I would be taken away from them if they caught me working in the fields again, so they began dropping me off at school on their way to work at 5 am - school didnt start til 8 and nobody got there til 7. I was told to hide in the back of the school so no one would see me. So there I would sit everyday, alone. just me and my imagination for 2 hours. The day my mom came to get me was unexpected. I was so happy, I ran. I dont know why but I had to get my thoughts together. Finally I came back and you can just imagine the hug. This was the loneliest, darkest year of my life until 1983. back pedal to the 9th grade. There was A girl at Pacoima Jr high who was theeeeee prettiest girl I had ever laid eyes on. All the guys were crazy about this girl but she would never even look at me. When I was 20, I ran into this girl once again, but by this time I was all grown up and she fell fell head over heels for me. We fell in love and were 2 weeks away from getting married. It didnt matter that we broke up every other day. We were madly in love with each other, key word MADLY. Of course it was all talk and her mom talked us out of it. I had just had my spiritual encounter. It happened unexpectedly one day on the corner of Glenoaks and Van Nuys blvd, when I ran into one of the Christians that I used to argue with over the bible. I would ask them questions they couldnt answer. when I saw him pumping gas, I started making chit chat with him when he responded with the words that would change my life. All I could say is hey man I want to go to your church, pick me up. Next thing you know Im going to church 3 times a week. I loved it and had found my new path. Problem was, my girl wasnt ready for it. I couldnt follow this new way of life and hang out with her. all she wanted to do is party and DO THE GROWN UP. If you know what I mean. but that wasnt allowed on this new journey I was on and I didnt want to cramp her style. I thought long and hard and decided I had to let her go. The day I told her, we were getting along great, so it took her by surprise as I told her Its nothing you did. Its just that I love my new life with God and I cant do it with you because you are not ready. She bawled her eyes out but I had to let her go. It hurt me so bad but, it had to be done. I found out she was seeing another guy and I couldnt bear it. I wanted her back. But she knew it would never be the same so she said NO. Now Im hating life, I was 2nd guessing myself. The next year and a half was soooo hard. I would see her with other guys and it would crush me inside. I had nobody. The church I was going to broke up. All my friends from my past were cut loose. I didnt go to clubs because, I didnt enjoy them. I didnt want to go home because my house was the hangout and there was too much temptation there. I was driving around San Fernando with no where to go and no one to talk to. I felt even more alone then i did behind that elementary school in Parma Idaho. I was in desperate need to talk to someone, so I went to the only guy I knew, but when I got to his house he said he was enjoying some alone time with his family. I got the hint and said my goodbyes. As I walked away from his front door that night, I stooped in the middle of his front yard and looked up to heaven and said THATS IT GOD. NO MORE. I GIVE UP. and I broke up with God too. I may have left God but he didnt leave me. The darkness ended when God sent 2 bright lights into my life. LOUIE AND LARRY LOY. These two brothers were farrrrrr from perfect but they were perfect for me. their unshakable faith in God restored my love for God. I ended up marrying their cousin. As I look back now, I see clearer and I see that God has always been with me and on my side. even when I got my 2 DUIs, I never made excuses or asked for God to make it go away or say im sorry. I just said, God just be with me through this. I did it and I deserve whatever I get. As soon as i said that prayer, it was like a big load was lifted off me. I dont know how dark your darkness is right now or in your past but never give up. because, You may not see it right now but God is with you and he is for you. wait the storm out. I know its loud and all hope is gone but many many people have been right where you are and they will testify to what im saying is true. GOD WONT TAKE IT AWAY BUT HELL SHOW YOU THE WAY. OH AND P.S. God has replaced what I lost 10 times over.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Sep 2014 15:12:56 +0000
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